it is evident all around me. the scars of what weakness is capable of is there. it has taken me all this time to get here. to the top where i can look down and see it for myself. see for real the havoc and the pain. i realise today that i am a poison. i am a thorn in your side. if i could take a picture and never forget this moment. how i crave the night where i can hide my scars. i am not looking for sympathy. i don't need anybody to tell me what to do. i dispise the weight of their words and how heavy it weighs around my shoulders. as if they could know. as if they would understand. i will find my way. i will find a hole. i don't need force or voilence to crash my way through. no i don't. but i am out of my depth. discarded and naked. exposed and empty. lonely on the outside but my faith holding me down. i find confidence in a knowing deep within that nobody can see. a knowing nobody can steal. going there is like a dream. i fade away in a haze. what has happened to the reality of it all. or am i now a prisoner in my own slumber. it remains the cause of this surreal calamity. my need is to find an answer. as to where i belong. my hope has turned into signals of anguish. they said time heals all wounds. but this misery has become a substitue of my time. therefore i crave the night. to hide the scars laid bare. where there's no need for anybody to lay their heavy words upon me. i need to find that dream. or cry myself to sleep.
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