city of black and white

the epic new mat kearney album called city of black and white.

open my eyes

would you open up my eyes

and show me the light

take me away from this place

would you open up my eyes

and show me your way

that leads me out of my dispair

i need you - yes i need you
i need for you - to free me

with tremblings all around

the fear embedded with the sound

reaching out to take your hand

knowing its the only way to stand

would you open up my eyes

and show me the light

cause i cannot make it alone

would you take hand

and help me understand

the truth that is hidden in the miracle thats you

i need you -yes i need you

i need you - to free me

(personlised version)

man at the river

below him was the river. where the rock had parted it around him. vapor rose in the early summer afternoon as he stood on the bank. the spray around him was finer and enclosed him in a halo of himself. the halo of himself was always there. and always disappearing. the images of himself and his shadow kept disappearing into the rising mist of the river. it continually circled to the tops of the rockface that stretched high above him. he always felt small in the canyon. with the cool breeze dancing down the canyon and bounching off its walls. allowing his head to rock back slowly the last of the sunrays cracking down caught his face. he felt euphoric. alone. weightless. perfectly still and at peace with the world around him.

he sat down to forget. and no sooner all was forgotten until all that remained was the river that went by and him who watched. it felt as if the water carried away his thoughts and emotions. the hypnotising sound of running water that took his thoughts to a far-off place. on the river the heat mirages danced. first with each other. then through each other until they finally joined hands and danced around each other. he stood up. took off his clothes and waded into the river. he wanted to dance with them. he thought if only he could join them. but there was only one. it was the river. he continued to imagine the patterns from his own life joining with them. and so it happen that here the story of his life started. naked. in the middle of the sound of water and the sensation of the passing water over his bare skin. he stood there in the middle of the current. imagining the water eroding away the person he once was. taking with it the memories he no longer had interest to hold on to.

many of the people he cared for and that understood him had moved on. when he was young he played on these river banks with his brother. they spent days and afternoons exporing every corner of this canyon. perhaps that was what drew him back here in the first place. to find something he had lost a long time ago. and to recapture what he had traded it for. in the half-light of the canyon all existence faded. standing there he raised his arms and closed his eyes. to a place of being with his soul and memories and the sounds of the river and the rhythm of his pounding heart.

eventually all things merge into one and a river runs through it. the river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. on some of the rocks are timeless tears. under the rocks are the words. words spoken in time. words that echo and drift with the breeze down the canyon. words that shape and change. words that remember and forget. and some of the words are theirs.

i am haunted by waters.

once again

i have been having dreams and visions recently. i never used to. in them you are always standing there. but never beside me. when i reach out to take your hand you disappear. it leaves me with a feeling of emptiness. sometimes i wake up with a sense of rejection. my greatest fear at my door. knocking. in these dreams you are beaming with light. like the moon. its rays breaking through the cloudy winter sky. your light breaking through my defenses. it leaves me feeling exposed and naked. everybody else fades in comparison. nobody has that effect. but you. i once believed in trust and love. i believed in happy endings. but my fate has taken me elsewhere. to a land with realities of pain and fear. a place where communication happens in a different dimension. it scares me. it is unfimiliar territory. i feel useless. but i have pledged long ago. that i will not give up that easily. even though in the face of adversities and struggle i cant let it go without a fight. i dont want to. the fight is mine. mine alone. it is a battle i enter for honor. to regain what i have lost. to regain the life i was living. i try not to think of myself. but of a greater union. something sacred and holy. that will restore my joy. that will replace my disappointment. to fill the void of shame and guilt with virtues like passion and contentment. to be a witness. to reveal the real me. a heart devoted once again.

our deepest fear

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

it is our light

not our darkness

that most frightens us

we ask ourselves

who am I to be brilliant

gorgeous
talented

fabulous?

actually

who are you not to be?

you are a child of God

your playing small does not serve the world

there is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you

we are all meant to shine as children do

we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

it's not just in some of us

it's in everyone

and as we let our own light shine

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

as we are liberated from our own fear

our presence automatically liberates others

a poem from a book written by somebody else

cedars of lebanon

Yesterday I spent asleep

Woke up in my clothes in a dirty heap

Spent the night trying to make a deadline

Squeezing complicated lives into a simple headline

I have your face here in an old Polaroid

Tidying the children’s clothes and toys

You’re smiling back at me, I took the photo from the fridge

Can’t remember what then we did

I haven’t been with a woman, it feels like for years

Thought of you the whole time, your salty tears

This shitty world sometimes produces a rose

The scent of it lingers and then it just goes

Return the call to home

The worst of us are a long drawn out confession

The best of us are geniuses of compression

You say you’re not going to leave the truth alone

I’m here ‘cos I don’t want to go home

Child drinking dirty water from the river bank

Soldier brings oranges he got out from a tank

I’m waiting on the waiter, he’s taking a while to come

Watching the sun go down on Lebanon

Return the call to home

Now I’ve got a head like a lit cigarette

Unholy clouds reflecting in a minaret

You’re so high above me, higher than everyone

Where are you in the Cedars of Lebanon?

Choose your enemies carefully ‘cos they will define you

Make them interesting ‘cos in some ways they will mind you

They’re not there in the beginning but when your story ends

Gonna last with you longer than your friends

LYRICS: U2

to the limit and beyond

reflection

intensity

endurance

no fear

overcoming

inside each and every one of us - man or women - there is somebody tougher and stronger than you think. you need to push and stretch your own limits. expand your boundries. live from the inside out. find that thing in you that freaks you out. find your everest to climb. your english canal to swim. to ride the ultimate wave. or to make the perfect base jump. dont let opportunity come knocking at your door only to find empty house. get out there and live! to the limit and beyond! images courtesy of GETTY IMAGES.

release your inner man

cycle

paddle

climb

kayak

jump

i find it is the best medicine in the world to get out there into the gardens of the world and play. to forget your troubles and release the inner man. here are some pics courtesy of GETTY IMAGES.

I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

She’s a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life

Knows I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

There’s a part of me in the chaos that’s quiet

And there’s a part of you that wants me to riot

Everybody needs to cry or needs to spit

Every sweet tooth needs just a little hit

Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot

How can you stand next to the truth and not see it

Oh, a change of heart comes slow

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As you start out the climb

Do you believe me or are you doubting

We’re gonna make it all the way to the light

But I know I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

Every generation gets a chance to change the world

Pity the nation that won’t listen to your boys and girls

‘Cos the sweetest melody is the one we haven’t heard

Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear

The right to appear ridiculous is something I hold dear

Oh, but a change of heart comes slow

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As you start out the climb

Listen for me, I’ll be shouting

We’re gonna make it all the way to the light

But you now I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

Baby, baby, baby

I know I’m not alone

Baby, baby, baby

I know I’m not alone

Oh oh oh

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As we start out the climb

Listen for me, I’ll be shouting

Shouting to the darkness

Squeeze out sparks of light

You know we’re gonna go crazy

You know we’ll go crazy

You know we’ll go crazy if we don’t go crazy tonight

Oh, slowly now

Oh, be slow

LYRICS: by U2

electrical storm

the sea it swells like a sore head

and the night it is aching

two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed

and the day it is breaking

on rainy days, we'd go swimming out

on rainy days, swimming in the sound

on rainy days, we'd go swimming out

you're in my mind all of the time

i know that's not enough

if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

for love and only love

car alarm won't let ya back to sleep

you're kept awake dreaming someone else's dream

coffee is cold, but it'll get you through

compromise, that's nothing new to you

let's see colours that have never been seen

let's go to places no one else has been

you're in my mind all of the time

i know that's not enough

well if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

to love and only love

electrical storm

baby don't cry

it's hot as hell, honey, in this room

sure hope the weather will break soon

the air is heavy, heavy as a truck

need the rain to wash away our bad luck

well, if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

to love and only love

electrical storm

baby don't cry

lyrics: U2

soul negotiatitions

dont write cheques your body cant cash...

wise words. and a lot of truth in that. but more than often we get ourselves into situations where we seem to ignore the realities that our own stubbornness can bring. it is a matter of head versus heart. your mind says stop but your heart wants you to carry on. it leaves you with a troubled mind. it is a place where desire and drive meets reality and logic. a battlefield some of us face on a daily basis. in every aspect of life. we get to that place. whether it is hanging on by the skin of your teeth while climbing a rock face thirty meters high. or closing a business deal that collides with your integrity.

over time and many travels i have often faced this battle between head and heart. when you live a passionate life this scenario gets you in trouble almost every other day. cos in your make-up you want to grab every opportunity that comes your way. but not every open door is necessarily the right open door. this in itself is a very hard lesson to learn. never-the-less it is not a good enough reason to approach life with a more cautious attitude. it is a simple matter of self knowledge and emotional intelligence. getting to know and understand yourself in different situations. anticipating your own response and setting yourself up not to fall. but that - is easier said than done.

in my experience your soul does not forget that easily. we think it does. but it does not. you make promises to yourself. and in that you kick start the conflict. i have realised that there are things that i have said and vowed to myself in the past that is only surfacing now. and i find myself challenged. do i stay true to my heart or do i follow the reason in my head. cos both can be right. both have a strong argument. i guess that is where it starts. that place where reason meets emotion. the place where the negotiations of the soul takes place.

caught up in the rain

he was infatuated with her. from the first day he laid his eyes on her. they had mutual friends and bumped into each other at random occasions. he never made a move but she was always in the front of his mind. at the weirdest of moments the thought of her will arise and he would find himself daydreaming. staring out over the sea from the balcony of his loft apartment above the harbour. he knew she lived somewhere on the other side of the city. in the bowl up against the mountain. but he was never brave enough to reach out and step up. he was too scared to act on his feelings and ended living with his infatuation for what felt to him like years.

she was successful. she was smart. and she was beautiful. and he did not feel an ounce of intimidation. as a matter of fact it made him more relaxed and comfortable. the thought of being with her. and then the moment eventually came. their paths crossed again and they started spending more time together. and she had a look in her eye. he spotted it one night as they were watching the sun go down over the bay from her appartment. she had just made sushi and they were enjoying the last bits of dinner with some wine. the conversations between them were always serious and intellectual and they both liked it that way. no small talk or sinicism. they spoke about books. music. art. food. wine. everything. they shared a common interest in so many things. he felt as if the world will never end when he was with her. and he was sure she felt the same. cos she had that look in her eyes.

saturday mornings they would wake up. lazy around the apartment. have coffee on the balcony. watch the early birds rushing around to get to the beach front. he loved those mornings. from there they would venture down to the market and buy some fresh vegetables and bread for whatever they had planned to cook. they both shared a passion for food and the combination with wine. so at the end of the morning lurking around the market they would pick up a bottle or two. from there they would stroll to their favourite coffee shop it the old slave courters. they would sit and stare at each other with great amusement. and that brought such a sense of belonging in him. then they'd catch a cab back to either his or her apartment.

they spent may weekends and nights together. their relationship kept on growing and with every day it intensified. up until the day she announched to him that she was moving out of the city into the country. it felt as if his world stopped turning. he was devastated. but she told him that it did not mean the end of things.

he remember the day he drove out to her cabin in the countryside. it was one of those log cabins hidden in the woods. with a stream running by the cabin giving it that eternal feel. he was nervous as his jeep turned off the tarmac onto the dirt road. from there it would be a fifteen minute drive up to her cabin. it had been raining the whole week and the roads were a mess. the fact that it was in the thick of the forest did not help. it was hard enough with the rain pouring down. but he was driven by a sense of belonging in his heart. it was strong and it kept him pushing on. the darkness of the forest and the puddles of standing water made the journey fell like an eternity. on the radio one of his favourite songs was playing. a song called rapture. the soothing melodies made his relax a little. his heart was pumping as he spotted the outlines of the cabin between the trees. as and his drove up to the house, she came out standing on the porch with the rain pouring down.

nowadays he thinks back with fond memories of that day. it felt like time stood still in that moment he saw her on that porch. it is a memory imprinted in his mind. even now. even year later. it is still there. he has not been able to erase the memory of her that day. every time the song plays his heart and mind races back to that day he was caught up in the rain.

tear down the walls

Tear down the walls.

See the world.

Is there something we have missed?

Turn from ourselves.

Look beyond.

There is so much more than this.

And I don’t need to see it to believe it.

I don’t need to see it to believe.

Cause I can’t shake this fire deep inside my heart.

Look to the skies.

Hope arise.

See His majesty revealed.

More than this life.

There is love.

There is hope and this is real.

And I don’t need to see it to believe it.

I don’t need to see it to believe.

Cause I can’t shake this fire burning deep inside my heart.

This life is Yours.

Hope is rising as Your glory floods our hearts.

Let Love tear down these walls.

That all creation would come back to You.

It’s all for you.

Your Name is glorious, glorious.

Your Love is changing us, calling us.

To worship in spirit and in truth.

As all creation returns to You.

Oh or all Your sons and daughters.

Who are walking in the darkness.

You are calling us to lead them back to You.

We will see Your spirit rising.

As the lost come out of hiding.

Every heart will see this hope we have in You.

For Your Name is glorious, glorious.

Your Love is changing us, calling us.

To worship in spirit and in truth.

As all creation returns to You.

lyrics by UNITED

i spent time with a stranger today

i spent time with a stranger today. sometimes in life you cross lines with somebody that inspires you to inspire. other times you hear a story or a speech that stirs your foundations and makes you want to change it all. those moment that seem small and insignificant that often turns out to be the most meaningful ones. the situations you enter without any preconceived idea or expectation. almost catches you off your guard. the times when your guard is down and your auto pilot is on. (i spent time with a stranger today). the stranger was telling me that he is about to become a father and how excited and scared he was at the same time. his passion, expectation and hope was infectious. i truely felt connected to this stranger in a weird way. a way that makes no sense at all. but the type of sagacity that i often experience these days did not put me off from exploring this event. there was the way he articulated himself and the detailed manner filled with pride that was captured in his every word was intoxicating. as if he was sent from another place to bring this message to me. (i spent time with a stranger today).when we parted ways i carried a sentiment of delight with me. as if i just lived through a dream. the train pulled away and his silhouette faded on the platform. but it felt as if his presence never left me. i am certain that over paths will cross again. i am confident that i will see him next time on the platform with his child in his arms. a proud father. i spent time with a friend today.

what does your sun signify?

silent reconciliation?

abundant provision?

relational significance?

discovery?

contentment?

photos by ALBERTO ROMANO

the road less traveled

the life of a seaman

the grass is always greener on the other side

endless opportunity

unknown levels of complication

mountains hig, valleys low
photos by ALBERTO ROMANO

emotions

solitude on the beach

a chat with my best friend

the ghost city

memories of yesterday

looking forward to tomorrow

photos by ALBERTO ROMANO

assumption

we all know the story. we all know they saying. assumption is the mother of all... but apart from that assumption is something that gets my blood boiling. i don’t know why. it just does. so after a recent situation i decided to put some thoughts together to find the root of all evil...concerning assumption that is. what i realised was that it lies embedded in the fact that i don’t like it when people assume they know who you are. when they assume they are your friend. and that turns into them claiming a piece of you. a piece of your time. they do that emotional blackmail thing...or try to at least. they suck you dry because you might have an inspiring personality or something likewise. or when people assume they understand the way you feel or experience situations. drives me mad. it makes me feel as if people are stereo typifying me or placing me in a box. figured out and labelled. wowee! freaks me out. cos if there is one thing that i seriously despise it is the thought of being a caged animal. after all the hissing and the growling i searched for a proper definition. this is what the web came up with: an assumption is a proposition that is taken for granted; it is the act of taking possession or asserting a claim. it is the act of taking for granted; acting with presumption and arrogance. wowee! a lot of bad words in those phrases. the worst for me must be “taken for granted”. the last thing anybody in this world deserves is being taken for granted because someone else is acting on an assumption. but then again “asserting claim” is perhaps worse.

food for wine

in the true spirit of number 32 (our appartment) we had to find food to go with two very special wines we could no longer resist. the one being a Vintage Widow Pinot noir 2007 from Jackson Estate, Marlborough, New Zealand and the other a 30 year old vintage Champagne from Veuve Clicquot Gold Label Brut 1980. what a show is was...so we cooked rumpsteak, with french beans, plus some other veggies to mark the occasion.

notes on the wines. the Veuve was superb. deep golden hue with the bead of the bubbles so refined over time, yet fresh and fiesty. and that after 30 years in captivity. with nuances of roasted almond, honey, straw, dried spices it was exquisite. on the palate the bubbly was creamy as expected. the round and full sensation accompanied by the refined bubbles has the better of me. i want a cellar stocked to the roof with wines like this. the balance of the bubbly was still perfect with trances of acid still present to give the wine the legs to run all the way down my throat.

the Vintage Widow is the perfect bottle of pinot noir. black berries, over-ripe rasberries and red cherry dominate the aromatics, there are trances of subtle dried herb and cinnamon spice. strong structure but still a lot of finesse and elegance thus not overpowering the aromas. well ripened tannins and a balanced acidity frame a densely fruited and textured palate, full of lush pinot fruit wrapped with a whisper of barrel smoke.

now that's a mouth full!

more places

bouzy in champagne - for the people, the bubbles and the unbeatable hospitality of the champenois

the slippery coble stone streets of pamplona at 08h17 in the morning during san fermin

my journeys of escapism in dirty old london town

the smells of lavender in and around gordes, luberon

the artistic twist of collioure and the way it takes my mind to hemingway

my places

underground cellars and treasures in the val de loire

the tranquility, the sunset and all my mojitos at katharos beach in santorini

the stone cottage in the hills of san donato, tuscany

the seafood platters in figuera da foz

the autumn colour of paris with its mystery and secrets written on its walls

my rusty halo

it is weird what travelling does to your psychology. places leave traces. people leave footprints. experiences leave scars. all of these are linked to change. change that can be good. but also change that can be negative. but it is one of those things you never know before you embark on a journey. but one thing is certain. travelling brings change. whether you want it to or not. if it does not then there is something seriously wrong with you. perhaps you were not switched on the way you were suppose to be. and that in itself is a shame. that is the beauty of seeing the world outside your normal box. and that is why i changed the title of this blog. because we all have a story to tell. some of us are more forthcoming with what we sense and feel. others take it with them to the grave and in that doing the world a great disservice.

i decided to reflect briefly on my change as a spiritual being over the last months. a good friend of mine always says: with a physical journey comes a spiritual journey. what i appreciate about my transformation in this sense is that i have become a more considerate (not tolerant) person. i will listen more closely. i have become more relaxed about myself as a spiritual being. the responsibility that comes with that. the joys and the struggles. all of it. i have realised that once your platform has been established not even the darkest night can shake it. you will surely get knocked down. but it is about getting up and moving on. facing everyday life with that sense of knowing i love to talk about. another thing that has been highlighted during my travels is my passions...and with that the things i have a serious disliking for. i guess the more you see and experience the more things fall in place. they start to make sense and things that happened in the past fade away and the future becomes the focal point.

i think many might not recognise my transformation. but those that know my heart and understand my motivations will spot my rusty halo.