cry the beloved country

it has been a few weeks since i have returned to my home country after a couple of years abroad. and the feeling has been surreal. it has been a quiet homecoming. but i prefer it that way. i realise that the more things change the more they stay the same. things have moved on. have become more expensive. people have become more selfish. but my optimism still remains. the time has come for me to give back. and i do so gladly. to friends. to strangers. to anybody willing to receive or listen. time is precious. and we forget that too often. life flashes by in the blink of an eye and then there is no tomorrow. but i would like to change that. i would like to live with greater passion. for my people. and for my country.

direction

if you don't know where you are going...any road...will get you there!

celebrated, not tolerated

who will ever see

can anybody really know

the sound of my beating heart

the cries of my thirsty soul

not be be famous

but to be known

not to be successful

but significant

will they acknowledge

understand that i am different

embrace the difficulty they face

to make sense of it all

excitement turns into frustration

frustration becomes emotion

emotion reflects regret

regret the key that locks a heart

celebrated, not tolerated

broken

the broken clock is a comfort

it helps me sleep tonight

maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

i am here still waiting though

i still have my doubts

i am damaged at best

like You've already figured out

i'm falling apart

i'm barely breathing

with a broken heart

that's still beating

in the pain there is healing

in Your name i find meaning

the broken locks were a warning

You got inside my head

i tried my best to be guarded

i'm an open book instead

and i still see Your reflection inside of my eyes

that are looking for purpose

they're still looking for life

i'm falling apart

i'm barely breathing

with a broken heart

that's still beating

in the pain is the healing

in Your name i find meaning

the broken lights on the freeway

left me here alone

i may have lost my way now

having forgot my way home

i'm falling apart

i'm barely breathing

with a broken heart

that's still beating

in the pain is there is healing

in Your name I find meaning

so i'm holdin' on
i'm holdin' on
i'm holdin' on
i'm barely holdin' on to You
i'm hangin' on
another day
just to see what You will throw my way
and i'm hangin' on
to the words You say
You said that i will
will be ok

lyrics by: lifehouse

an inspired joy

some days

some days i am inspired

a crazy fundamentalist

a ready-to-be historymaker

then those other days

other days i am apathetic

sapped and drained

empty and motionless

i am not moody

i am trying to be real

and thats the way the wind blows

or other might say

thats how i roll

never-the-less

i am not phased

cos self-knowledge is silver

emtional intelligence is golden

i want to live the moment

i want to dwell in the past

to swallow up the history

and wait eagerly

for the joys of the new morning

i will look to the future

and bath in the luxury

of having not been there yet

but for now

i am living the moment

taking it one step at a time

not over-thinking it

just living it

expressing it

chewing it

and spitting it out

some days i am indifferent

they are few and far between

because most days

most days i am smiling

inside and out

my face knows my heart

with a sense of belonging

an inspired joy

not me

searching to live right. story of my life. but it keeps avoiding me. inspired in my soul. but it sometimes doesn’t seem right. but i really love my own company. i am more than a man. and i deserve more than love. what is the reason for the sky being blue. or the sun going down. why all the clouds keep rolling by or the wind rushing past. i don’t know. is it because i am gone again. it just can't be true. and that is why i am unfaithful. unfaithful to myself. only to myself you hear. and it kills me inside. to know that i am happy to be someone else. i can see myself dying. slowly. dying. i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to be the reason. the reason for him to die. i die a little more inside. i don't want to hurt anymore. i don't want to take away his life. i don't want to be his murderer. but it is time. to pull the plug. to move on. cos that the call. move on. i will not be left behind. he might. but not me.

you're alright

catch your breath

hit the wall

scream out loud

as you start to crawl

back in your cage

the only place

where they will

leave you alone

cause the weak will seek the weaker

til they've broken them

could you get it back again

would it be the same

fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense

left you with no defense

they tore it down

and I have felt the same as you

i've felt the same as you

i've felt the same.

locked inside

the only place

where you feel sheltered

where you feel safe

you lost yourself

in your search to find

something else to hide behind

the fearful always preyed upon your confidence

did they see the consequence

when they pushed you around

the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones

breaking them 'til they've become just another crown

refuse to feel anything at all

refuse to slip

refuse to fall

can't be weak

can't stand still

you watch your back 'cause no one will

you don't know why they had to go this far

traded your worth for these scars

for your only company

and don't believe the lies

that they have told to you

not one word was true you're alright

you're alright

you're alright

lyrics by: lifehouse

dont you know

i dont know how to explain it

but i know that words will hardly do

miracles with signs and wonders

arent enough for me to prove to you

dont you know i have always loved you

even before there was time

though you turn away

i will tell you still

dont you know i have always loved you

and i always will

greater love has not a man

than the one who gives his life to prove

that he would do anything

and thats what i am going to do for you

lyrics by: third day

walls around us

find me there

oh desert speak to my heart. oh women of the earth. makers of children. who weep for lovers lost. your deepest secrets are known to me. i will not be moved. dont try to find the answer when there aint no question. brother let your heart be wounded and give no mercy to your fear. babylon is every town. its as crazy as its ever been. love is a stranger all around. in a moment we lost our minds here. we lay our spirits down. today we lived a thousand years. all we have is now. run to the water. find me there. burnt to the core but not broken. we will cut through the madness. these streets below the moon. i will never leave you. not until we can say - this world was just a dream. we were sleeping or are we awake. we lost our minds here. we dreamt the world was round. a million mile fall from grace. with a nuclear fire of love in our hearts. yeah i can see it now. out beyond all the breaking of waves and the tribulation. its a place and the home of ascended souls. who swam out there in love. rest easy baby. recognize it all as light and rainbows. smashed to smithereens and be happy. run to the water and find me there.

(adjusted lyrics)

in my fantasy

in my fantasy i see a fair world

where everyone

lives in peace and honesty

i dream of a place

to live that is always free

like a cloud that floats

full of humanity

in the depths of the soul

in my fantasy i see a bright world

where each night

there is less darkness

i dream of spirits

that are always free

like the cloud that floats

in my fantasy exists a warm wind

that breathes into the city

like a friend

i dream of souls

that are always free

like the cloud that floats

full of humanity

in the depths of the soul

english translation of nella fantasia

and i'm feeling good

birds flying high

you know how i feel

sun in the sky

you know how i feel

breeze driftin' on by

you know how i feel

it's a new dawn

it's a new day

it's a new life

for me

and i'm feeling good

fish in the sea

you know how i feel

river running free

you know how i feel

blossom on a tree

you know how i feel

it's a new dawn

it's a new day

it's a new life

for me

and i'm feeling good

dragonfly out in the sun you

know what i mean

don't you know

butterflies all havin' fun

you know what i mean

sleep in peace when day is done

that's what i mean

and this old world is a new world

and a bold world

for me

stars when you shine

you know how i feel

scent of the pine

you know how i feel

oh freedom is mine

and i know how i feel

it's a new dawn

it's a new day

it's a new life

for me

and i'm feeling good

lyrics by: nina simone

take this life

as i'm standing here

staring into the mirror

see the figure of a man

trying to take a stand

and live for something more

integrity is what i need

honor to my soul i feed

to give it up

pack it in

getting rid of all my sin

that’s weighing me down

won’t you come and fill

i want you to come
and make me more real
take this life

in my pursuit of what is real

my heart is longing

with a need to feel

my soul come alive

i trudge and i step

through the height and the death

of a long narrow as i’m growing old

won’t you take this life

won’t you change this life
come and make me whole
and soon i will be home

lyrics by: shawn mcdonald

scarlet

middle of nowhere

finally you can breathe

nobody knows your name

it's easier

shut your eyes tightly

clench your fists 'til they almost bleed

cautiously, lightly

gently expose what's underneath

and all you feel now

is the scarlet in your day

even it's real

you can't stay...

so there you go

you're gone for good

your mind is swollen

from months of thought

without release

they've taken their toll on you

this very moment

of timid and fragile honesty

is precious and rare and fleeting

and all you feel now

is the scarlet in your day

even it's real

you can't stay...

lyrics by: brooke fraser

a human proverb

find the foundation of true knowlegde

discipline yourself cos it brings life

help others to understand

always be right, just and fair

listen to my counsel

when i share my heart

it will make you wise

to stear clear of calamity, anguish and distress

beware of all who are greedy

it robs them of life

they are destoyed by their complacency

rather listen and live in peace

untroubled by fear or harm

treasure my commands

tune your ears

concentrate on understanding

cry out for insight

it brings a successful life

and crown you with grace

be honest

live with integrity

never let loyalty and kindness leave you
write them on your heart

wisdon will enter your heart

knowledge will fill you with joy

trust with all your heart

dont seek your own

wisdom is the tree of life

she offers long life

she will guide you

dont loose sight of common sense

refresh your soul

fix your eyes and look straight ahead

guard your heart it determines your course through life

the sun shines ever brighter untill the full light of day

happy hour

time is now

take off the mask

put on reality

hide the brave face

show people what they want

dont be fake

be real

happy hour is here

i live out of a place

it is deep within

i dont show it often

but its integral to me

its my core

it consists of joy

it enables me

to write without pain

to say what i mean

without the emotion

i guess it my gift

to just say

and not to feel

some claim i'm a freak

others think i'm unique

perhaps somewhere inbetween

it matters not

it does not change a thing

i will always be me

say what i have to

write to heal

sing to feel

cry to taste

salt on my face

healing under my skin

they think i'm dark

but on the contrary

i shine from within

they can see it in my eyes

although my words speak another language

they understand it not

it does not add up

but they envy

they crave to taste

to be able to sing or write the song

to understand the ticking inside

happy hour is now

eyes never lie

whatever the mouth my speak

light overcomes the darkness

sun breaks through the day

illuminates the road

joy comes in the morning

like planes

yeah
i am gonna sip on this misery
like a cocktail in the sun
i am gonna push all the boundaries
just for the fun
i am gonna spill through this darkness
like at the walk off the egde off the sea
i am gonna kiss the crazy
like you kissed me

we all get high
to get out of the lows
it don’t work
but thats because
we all come down
like a plane out of the sky
it hurts like hell
but thats just life

i am gonna saddle up this heartbreak
and take it for a joy ride
i am gonna laugh
while you write me
cos i have too much pride
and then i will send you packing

we all get high
to get out of the lows
it don’t work
but thats because
we all come down
like a plane out of the sky
it hurts like hell
but thats just life

lyrics by:plush

restored

all this time i've wandered around. searching for the things i'll never know. i've been searching for this answer that only will be found in your love. and now i feel it. my heart is being mended by your touch. and i hear it. your voice that's shown me purpose in this world. you have restored me. from my feeble and broken soul. you have restored me. i've only come to realize my strength will be made perfect at your throne. laying all reflections down to see the precious beauty that you've shown. and i feel it my heart is being mended by your touch. and i hear it. your voice that's shown my purpose in this world. you have restored me from my feeble and broken soul. you have restored me. laying all these questions down. you've answered what i need. you've given more than i deserve. you're making me complete. you've given all these open doors. i'm humbled at your feet. you've shown me what you've done for me.

lyrics by: jeremy camp

the city never sleeps

i would love to put london in a bottle. pack it in and take it with me. to far off places. the smells and yells of the underground. the way it hits you as you submerge into a vast network of lines and stations. the warm air blowing in your face as you wait on the platform. behind the line. minding the gap. the sound of the tube approaching. the screatching and the sparks. everybody shuffling forward. northern line. picadilly. or bakerloo. an oven without personality. the endless possibilities of your relationship with your oyster card. standing there. armed with oyster. staring at the map. where shall we go. you alight when the drumming the shoving the pushing becomes to much. you alight at the next stop while this is a district line service to upminister. you alight. the escalator is your staiwya to heaven. rolling you on to the next costa or nero. avoiding starbucks. you are bombarded by food sections. today m&s. tomorrow waitrose. the choice of kings when you feel like snacking before catching the next red bus or waving town a black cab. the bells and whistles. the noise of the streets. the flashing tourists around embankment. leister square. or china town and the west end. marching like ants on a mission. you can stop and close your eyes. to hear the city. you can escape to the parks. green. hyde. or primrose hill for the fancy and grand. even there you have sounds that makes the place the city it is. amuse yourself. find a spot and watch the people pass by. sloane street. kensington. sw15. hackney. primrose hill. mayfair. shepherds market. the amazing victorian architecture. the quiet side streets out of the buzz and the hussle of the city. just wondering around and absorbing. spending endless afternoons in waterstones bookstore. or finding a small second hand bookstore down one of the many dirty side streets close to borough market. the amazement of how far you can travel for £1. but not even being able to buy anything worth mentioning from a street vendor for the same price. watching people on buses and trains. the things they keep themselves busy with. ipods. cameras. books. the metro. the london light. girlfriends. boyfriends. texting. speaking. phoning. sleeping. waking up at the right stop. clocks built in. the stampeed at waterloo. the waiting for an indication of platform and then the rush. shuffling. stumbling. running for the train. the wonders of public transport. night buses that takes you from kings cross to puntey. football pages in the daily mail. the latest transfers. the tabloid news. the rain. the dark months of november. the jubilation of summer in august and everything after. a bonus. it creeps under your skin. the city never sleeps.

new quote

check out the new quote...#17.
credit must go to my brother and friend....

introspective

i dont know if you will be able to see. it has been such a long time. the changes that have come over me are so many. it has been a long time. weeks. months. years. since i had the chance to breath you in. now with the last few days approaching. i suddenly feel afraid. afraid that i have drifted away. away from you. away from me. so i have been re-calling old stories. old songs and memories to remind me of you. my heartland. my home. where i was born. the songs and stories remind me of my past. of were it is i come from. i am sure there are reasons why i feel so far away today. but for now i know that i miss you. i think about you all the time. i can hear you calling me. soon i will be going home. but what if. if i have become a stranger to you. a stranger to myself. that would be sad. cos you are all i ever had. i have been away. traveling. moving from one place to the next. to prove myself to nobody. perhaps to you. perhaps to me. but there were points that needed proving. there were friends worth loosing. and i lost them. forgotten. left behind. but i found others. yes. on my way there were many. ladies that i have kissed and left crying. broken hearts and stolen dreams. also true. there is no point in denying. i have traveled hard and far. across the four winds. to every corner. and now i am sitting here by myself. introspective of where i have been. reflecting on the shadows that lie behind me in the wake. the fire is cracking.the room is empty. the wine is sweet. the conversation is dying slowly. the sand is running out. and so is my time. yes my time away from you is running out. and soon we will be re-united. soon i will smell your earth. soon i will taste your provision. soon i will see your sunsets. your childrens crying. now i know that i miss you. i think about you all the time. i can hear you calling me. soon i will be going home. but what if. if i have become a stranger to you. a stranger to myself. that would be sad. cos you are all i ever had.

too much

is it possible

can it be

i keep on wondering

the question spins through my head

the answer for always eluding me

i stare out the train
highlands await in the distance
north sea on my right
memories of our conversation mingle
you never gave me an answer

i feel empty

the pain intensifies

am i too much

is it too much to digest

can you not handle all of me

can it be possible

am i that special

or are you the blind one

can you not see

what is the matter with you

i empty myself

still it is not appreciated

taken for granted

is there anything worse than that

who ever wants to feel this way

i conclude

it is you not me

i am what i am

you just cant see it

you are consumed with yourself

and to be honest

i dont want you around anymore

you only steal from me

no appreciation

never a thank you or a sorry

it is too much

i am too much

you cant handle it

and i cant handle that you cant handle it

too much

have a little patience

just have a little patience

i'm still hurting from a love i lost

i'm feeling your frustration

then maybe all the pain will stop

just don't be close inside your arms tonight

dont be to hard on my emotions

cause i need time

my heart is numb has no feeling

so while im still healing

just try and have a little patience

i really wanna start over again

i know u wanna be my salvation

the one that i can always depend

i'll try to be strong believe me

i'm trying to move on

it's complicated but understand me

cause i need time

my heart is numb has no feeling

so while im still healing

just try and have a little patience

yeah have a little patience

cause this scar runs so deep

its been hard

but i have to believe me

have a little patience

cause i - i just need time

my heart is numb has no feeling

so while im still healing

just try and have a little patience

lyrics by: take that

inspired

are you inspired

to what extend

do you inspire others

where does it come from

i walk the streets

i buy books

i drink coffee

i think out loud

i talk to strangers

i have been doing this for weeks now

a burden in my chest

not knowing where it comes from

neither where it is taking me

i only know that it has a purpose

i just have to live to find the answer

i woke up all emotional

at the same time inspired

i need only to close my eyes

for the imax of my imagination to open up

for the show to begin

i sometimes wonder why

why this vivid imagination

why this gift

or is it really

none the less

i am inspired

the smallest things

the simplest distraction

be it music

or literature

even sitting in the theatre

inspiration bubbles inside me

do i write

or should i sing

perhaps speak

tell others

of this thing within

share the joy

spread the love

fan the flame

when i close my eyes

my senses take over to

see landscapes

smell flowers

taste foreign cuisine

be filled to the brim with sweet wine

and embraced

i listen to their stories

i look at their faces

i analyse their words

i study their facial expression

cos it tells a story

it paints a picture

it writes their song

somedays

the world is black and white

other days its all colour

its never the same

every day a surprise

a gift of the unknown

so what to do
i keep on walking

let the sun continue to shine
allow the joys to inspire
and the world to spin
which ever way that might be

promise me

you light up another cigarette

and i pour the wine
it's four oclock in the morning

and it's starting to get light

now i'm right where i want to be

losing track of time

but i wish that it was still last night

you look like you're in another world

but i can read your mind

how can you be so far away

lying by my side

when i go away i'll miss you

and i will be thinking of you

every night and day just

promise me you'll wait for me

cos i'll be saving all my love for you

and i will be home soon

promise me you'll wait for me

i need to know you feel the same way too

and i'll be home, i'll be home soon

when i go away i'll miss you

and i will be thinking of you

every night and day just

promise me you'll wait for me
cos i'll be saving all my love for you
and i will be home soon
promise me you'll wait for me
i need to know you feel the same way too
and i'll be home, i'll be home soon

song by: beverly craven

you will be the one

staring at the sky tonight

marvelling and passing time

wondering what to do with daylight

i've been thinking of changing my mind

it never stays the same for long

nothing is for sure anymore

i've been counting up all my wrongs

an apology for every star

but heaven doesn't stretched that far

i won't find what i am looking for

if i only see by keeping score

cos i know now you are so much more

if i give it all and not try to take some back

i've forgotten the freedom that comes with that

cos you are the sum

when the years are showing on my face

when my heart departs this place

from a life dedicated to your song

you'll still be the one i want

new quote

quote #16

"is there not in every human soul an essential spark, an element of the divine, indestructible in this world and immortal in the next; a spark which goodness can preserve and nourish into a glorious flame; an flame which evil can never extinguish?"

everyman man on earth has been created in His image.

dont box me in

dont box me in

dont tell me something you dont mean

dont be false

dont pretend to be someone you are not

for too long

people have walked over me

taken what they wanted

and in return left me with the pain

dont box me in

dont come rushing in

dont leave this heart in turmoil

dont abuse only to benefit yourself

i cant take any more

the burden is weighing me down

my tank is running on empty

there is nothing left to give

dont box me in

stop taking without asking

bring back what you have taken

and allow me to be whole again

you have taken me for granted

you thought it could be better

out there you thought there was more

but now you see it was all in vain

should i allow you back in

will it be different this time

how can i be guarunteed

that you will not box me in

there is always another promise

you think your words will sway me

but i will not be taken for granted again

i will not

who i am

i'm blinded by the light
the black coffee cold on the table
and the day breaks through the night
i stare out into the cold
with red wine stains on the carpet
and i wonder how to break the mould
my mind takes me places
i am haunted by my sins
and i can't seem to forget their faces
i shudder at the crack of the floor
she holds me close, wraps her arms around me
i fear this knocking on my heart's door
i run away through empty streets
past the red door that lures me to danger
not to suffice to their delicacies and treats

i was not made for here

if i find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy

i can only conclude that i was not made for here

if the felsh that i fight is at best only light and momentary

then off course i'll feel nude when to where i'm destined i'm compared

speak to me in the light of the dawn

mercy comes with the morning

i will sigh and with all creation groan

as i wait for hope to come for me

am i lost or just found?

on the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?

is this a soul that stirs in me?

is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?

cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb

an avoid the impending birth of who i was born to become

for we,
we are not long here
our time is but a breath,
so we better breathe it

and i,

i was made to live,

i was made to love,

i was made to know you

lyrics: brooke fraser

rory eliot and plush

went to watch rory eliot, lead singer and song writer from plush in london last night at an intimate acoustic session. the man has raw passion and bucket loads of talent. the sounds and lyrics are inspiring. it takes you places you haven't been for a long time in your mind, your soul, your heart. find his music. listen to it. embrace it. i bet you - it will change you.

hypocrite

"life is a hypocrite if i can’t live the way it moves me...”

Christopher Fry

think of men

that lived passionately

some of them

the greatest among men

adored

envied

loved

hated

admired

written about

men that lived

loved

men that inspired

living without regret

without looking back

sometimes ruthlesss

other times calculated

but always driven

by an instinctive passion to conquer

to overcome

to be significant

i realised what we crave

to live like that

a tristan

a hemingway

a maximus

things daily

it stirrs

it awakens

it moves

a picture

scenery

sounds

smells

it takes us

in our minds

but we fear

our bodies cant take us there

we compromise

we get cheated

we miss out

we regret

frustrated

unfulfilled

i say

dont allow it

fight the hypocrisy

and allow life to move you

city of black and white

the epic new mat kearney album called city of black and white.

open my eyes

would you open up my eyes

and show me the light

take me away from this place

would you open up my eyes

and show me your way

that leads me out of my dispair

i need you - yes i need you
i need for you - to free me

with tremblings all around

the fear embedded with the sound

reaching out to take your hand

knowing its the only way to stand

would you open up my eyes

and show me the light

cause i cannot make it alone

would you take hand

and help me understand

the truth that is hidden in the miracle thats you

i need you -yes i need you

i need you - to free me

(personlised version)

man at the river

below him was the river. where the rock had parted it around him. vapor rose in the early summer afternoon as he stood on the bank. the spray around him was finer and enclosed him in a halo of himself. the halo of himself was always there. and always disappearing. the images of himself and his shadow kept disappearing into the rising mist of the river. it continually circled to the tops of the rockface that stretched high above him. he always felt small in the canyon. with the cool breeze dancing down the canyon and bounching off its walls. allowing his head to rock back slowly the last of the sunrays cracking down caught his face. he felt euphoric. alone. weightless. perfectly still and at peace with the world around him.

he sat down to forget. and no sooner all was forgotten until all that remained was the river that went by and him who watched. it felt as if the water carried away his thoughts and emotions. the hypnotising sound of running water that took his thoughts to a far-off place. on the river the heat mirages danced. first with each other. then through each other until they finally joined hands and danced around each other. he stood up. took off his clothes and waded into the river. he wanted to dance with them. he thought if only he could join them. but there was only one. it was the river. he continued to imagine the patterns from his own life joining with them. and so it happen that here the story of his life started. naked. in the middle of the sound of water and the sensation of the passing water over his bare skin. he stood there in the middle of the current. imagining the water eroding away the person he once was. taking with it the memories he no longer had interest to hold on to.

many of the people he cared for and that understood him had moved on. when he was young he played on these river banks with his brother. they spent days and afternoons exporing every corner of this canyon. perhaps that was what drew him back here in the first place. to find something he had lost a long time ago. and to recapture what he had traded it for. in the half-light of the canyon all existence faded. standing there he raised his arms and closed his eyes. to a place of being with his soul and memories and the sounds of the river and the rhythm of his pounding heart.

eventually all things merge into one and a river runs through it. the river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. on some of the rocks are timeless tears. under the rocks are the words. words spoken in time. words that echo and drift with the breeze down the canyon. words that shape and change. words that remember and forget. and some of the words are theirs.

i am haunted by waters.

once again

i have been having dreams and visions recently. i never used to. in them you are always standing there. but never beside me. when i reach out to take your hand you disappear. it leaves me with a feeling of emptiness. sometimes i wake up with a sense of rejection. my greatest fear at my door. knocking. in these dreams you are beaming with light. like the moon. its rays breaking through the cloudy winter sky. your light breaking through my defenses. it leaves me feeling exposed and naked. everybody else fades in comparison. nobody has that effect. but you. i once believed in trust and love. i believed in happy endings. but my fate has taken me elsewhere. to a land with realities of pain and fear. a place where communication happens in a different dimension. it scares me. it is unfimiliar territory. i feel useless. but i have pledged long ago. that i will not give up that easily. even though in the face of adversities and struggle i cant let it go without a fight. i dont want to. the fight is mine. mine alone. it is a battle i enter for honor. to regain what i have lost. to regain the life i was living. i try not to think of myself. but of a greater union. something sacred and holy. that will restore my joy. that will replace my disappointment. to fill the void of shame and guilt with virtues like passion and contentment. to be a witness. to reveal the real me. a heart devoted once again.

our deepest fear

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

it is our light

not our darkness

that most frightens us

we ask ourselves

who am I to be brilliant

gorgeous
talented

fabulous?

actually

who are you not to be?

you are a child of God

your playing small does not serve the world

there is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you

we are all meant to shine as children do

we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

it's not just in some of us

it's in everyone

and as we let our own light shine

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

as we are liberated from our own fear

our presence automatically liberates others

a poem from a book written by somebody else

cedars of lebanon

Yesterday I spent asleep

Woke up in my clothes in a dirty heap

Spent the night trying to make a deadline

Squeezing complicated lives into a simple headline

I have your face here in an old Polaroid

Tidying the children’s clothes and toys

You’re smiling back at me, I took the photo from the fridge

Can’t remember what then we did

I haven’t been with a woman, it feels like for years

Thought of you the whole time, your salty tears

This shitty world sometimes produces a rose

The scent of it lingers and then it just goes

Return the call to home

The worst of us are a long drawn out confession

The best of us are geniuses of compression

You say you’re not going to leave the truth alone

I’m here ‘cos I don’t want to go home

Child drinking dirty water from the river bank

Soldier brings oranges he got out from a tank

I’m waiting on the waiter, he’s taking a while to come

Watching the sun go down on Lebanon

Return the call to home

Now I’ve got a head like a lit cigarette

Unholy clouds reflecting in a minaret

You’re so high above me, higher than everyone

Where are you in the Cedars of Lebanon?

Choose your enemies carefully ‘cos they will define you

Make them interesting ‘cos in some ways they will mind you

They’re not there in the beginning but when your story ends

Gonna last with you longer than your friends

LYRICS: U2

to the limit and beyond

reflection

intensity

endurance

no fear

overcoming

inside each and every one of us - man or women - there is somebody tougher and stronger than you think. you need to push and stretch your own limits. expand your boundries. live from the inside out. find that thing in you that freaks you out. find your everest to climb. your english canal to swim. to ride the ultimate wave. or to make the perfect base jump. dont let opportunity come knocking at your door only to find empty house. get out there and live! to the limit and beyond! images courtesy of GETTY IMAGES.

release your inner man

cycle

paddle

climb

kayak

jump

i find it is the best medicine in the world to get out there into the gardens of the world and play. to forget your troubles and release the inner man. here are some pics courtesy of GETTY IMAGES.

I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

She’s a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life

Knows I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

There’s a part of me in the chaos that’s quiet

And there’s a part of you that wants me to riot

Everybody needs to cry or needs to spit

Every sweet tooth needs just a little hit

Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot

How can you stand next to the truth and not see it

Oh, a change of heart comes slow

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As you start out the climb

Do you believe me or are you doubting

We’re gonna make it all the way to the light

But I know I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

Every generation gets a chance to change the world

Pity the nation that won’t listen to your boys and girls

‘Cos the sweetest melody is the one we haven’t heard

Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear

The right to appear ridiculous is something I hold dear

Oh, but a change of heart comes slow

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As you start out the climb

Listen for me, I’ll be shouting

We’re gonna make it all the way to the light

But you now I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

Baby, baby, baby

I know I’m not alone

Baby, baby, baby

I know I’m not alone

Oh oh oh

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As we start out the climb

Listen for me, I’ll be shouting

Shouting to the darkness

Squeeze out sparks of light

You know we’re gonna go crazy

You know we’ll go crazy

You know we’ll go crazy if we don’t go crazy tonight

Oh, slowly now

Oh, be slow

LYRICS: by U2

electrical storm

the sea it swells like a sore head

and the night it is aching

two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed

and the day it is breaking

on rainy days, we'd go swimming out

on rainy days, swimming in the sound

on rainy days, we'd go swimming out

you're in my mind all of the time

i know that's not enough

if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

for love and only love

car alarm won't let ya back to sleep

you're kept awake dreaming someone else's dream

coffee is cold, but it'll get you through

compromise, that's nothing new to you

let's see colours that have never been seen

let's go to places no one else has been

you're in my mind all of the time

i know that's not enough

well if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

to love and only love

electrical storm

baby don't cry

it's hot as hell, honey, in this room

sure hope the weather will break soon

the air is heavy, heavy as a truck

need the rain to wash away our bad luck

well, if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

to love and only love

electrical storm

baby don't cry

lyrics: U2

soul negotiatitions

dont write cheques your body cant cash...

wise words. and a lot of truth in that. but more than often we get ourselves into situations where we seem to ignore the realities that our own stubbornness can bring. it is a matter of head versus heart. your mind says stop but your heart wants you to carry on. it leaves you with a troubled mind. it is a place where desire and drive meets reality and logic. a battlefield some of us face on a daily basis. in every aspect of life. we get to that place. whether it is hanging on by the skin of your teeth while climbing a rock face thirty meters high. or closing a business deal that collides with your integrity.

over time and many travels i have often faced this battle between head and heart. when you live a passionate life this scenario gets you in trouble almost every other day. cos in your make-up you want to grab every opportunity that comes your way. but not every open door is necessarily the right open door. this in itself is a very hard lesson to learn. never-the-less it is not a good enough reason to approach life with a more cautious attitude. it is a simple matter of self knowledge and emotional intelligence. getting to know and understand yourself in different situations. anticipating your own response and setting yourself up not to fall. but that - is easier said than done.

in my experience your soul does not forget that easily. we think it does. but it does not. you make promises to yourself. and in that you kick start the conflict. i have realised that there are things that i have said and vowed to myself in the past that is only surfacing now. and i find myself challenged. do i stay true to my heart or do i follow the reason in my head. cos both can be right. both have a strong argument. i guess that is where it starts. that place where reason meets emotion. the place where the negotiations of the soul takes place.

caught up in the rain

he was infatuated with her. from the first day he laid his eyes on her. they had mutual friends and bumped into each other at random occasions. he never made a move but she was always in the front of his mind. at the weirdest of moments the thought of her will arise and he would find himself daydreaming. staring out over the sea from the balcony of his loft apartment above the harbour. he knew she lived somewhere on the other side of the city. in the bowl up against the mountain. but he was never brave enough to reach out and step up. he was too scared to act on his feelings and ended living with his infatuation for what felt to him like years.

she was successful. she was smart. and she was beautiful. and he did not feel an ounce of intimidation. as a matter of fact it made him more relaxed and comfortable. the thought of being with her. and then the moment eventually came. their paths crossed again and they started spending more time together. and she had a look in her eye. he spotted it one night as they were watching the sun go down over the bay from her appartment. she had just made sushi and they were enjoying the last bits of dinner with some wine. the conversations between them were always serious and intellectual and they both liked it that way. no small talk or sinicism. they spoke about books. music. art. food. wine. everything. they shared a common interest in so many things. he felt as if the world will never end when he was with her. and he was sure she felt the same. cos she had that look in her eyes.

saturday mornings they would wake up. lazy around the apartment. have coffee on the balcony. watch the early birds rushing around to get to the beach front. he loved those mornings. from there they would venture down to the market and buy some fresh vegetables and bread for whatever they had planned to cook. they both shared a passion for food and the combination with wine. so at the end of the morning lurking around the market they would pick up a bottle or two. from there they would stroll to their favourite coffee shop it the old slave courters. they would sit and stare at each other with great amusement. and that brought such a sense of belonging in him. then they'd catch a cab back to either his or her apartment.

they spent may weekends and nights together. their relationship kept on growing and with every day it intensified. up until the day she announched to him that she was moving out of the city into the country. it felt as if his world stopped turning. he was devastated. but she told him that it did not mean the end of things.

he remember the day he drove out to her cabin in the countryside. it was one of those log cabins hidden in the woods. with a stream running by the cabin giving it that eternal feel. he was nervous as his jeep turned off the tarmac onto the dirt road. from there it would be a fifteen minute drive up to her cabin. it had been raining the whole week and the roads were a mess. the fact that it was in the thick of the forest did not help. it was hard enough with the rain pouring down. but he was driven by a sense of belonging in his heart. it was strong and it kept him pushing on. the darkness of the forest and the puddles of standing water made the journey fell like an eternity. on the radio one of his favourite songs was playing. a song called rapture. the soothing melodies made his relax a little. his heart was pumping as he spotted the outlines of the cabin between the trees. as and his drove up to the house, she came out standing on the porch with the rain pouring down.

nowadays he thinks back with fond memories of that day. it felt like time stood still in that moment he saw her on that porch. it is a memory imprinted in his mind. even now. even year later. it is still there. he has not been able to erase the memory of her that day. every time the song plays his heart and mind races back to that day he was caught up in the rain.