i've never felt so restless. are these times contagious? will it pass or am i doomed for another season? i can't handle it no more. or is it just my imagination? i've never been this bored before. what is this prize that i've waited for? it all seems gone and forgotten now. while i sit here with the hours passing. is there nothing left here for me to do? i yearn to find the messenger. will he instruct me what to do? but i am afraid the mailbox remains empty. there is only a heap of frustration left behind. what if i run? what if i decide to go? it will be a long way to run. but i can make it. yes i will make it in the end. only just. if i decide to run. but i hang around. desperate to find the cure. or i can sell myself and regain the sanity i once shared. to buy a picture of old memories and safe places in my head. i am starting to process the awakened qualities that i always had. but i don't know how to handle them anymore. i guess it's better if i run.
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