In the past when people would ask me what my opinion was on “trust” and how I would define it or prove it I would answer: Trust is not something you can prove. I can not prove to anyone that I trust them or that they can trust me. It is a leap of faith in a way. You can not quantify or quality - I believed and in some way I still do – that trust is only something that you can prove you DON’T have….thus by breaking trust is the only way of showing your worth in this department. (Hope I haven’t lost anybody yet)
Now I ask myself the question whether or not friendship can be measured with the same mindset or belief. Well at least that has been my experience. People these days, in the era of technology and science; have come up with new ways to claim things. Like friendship on Facebook is a good example that we are all aware of. I am not for or against Facebook. In fact it helps me to keep up with friends across Europe on a day to day basis. People that respond faster to FB than they do to e-mail or phone calls. It has become just another helpful tool if implemented as such. For others it’s a favourite past time. All of a sudden you have people in all shapes and sizes claiming to be your friend. Before I realised this I had “accumulated” over 700 so-called friends in less than 6 months. Then I asked myself: Where did all these people come from? And why are they my friends. Then I started with a clean-up act and removed over 550 people. The feeling was unreal and so liberating. I am actually considering shutting the whole thing down. Like I started to despise my mobile phone, I am starting to despise FB. Not for the reason that it is not helpful. But because others are ABUSING your friendship by it. They make claims that are not their to make. And then get offended when you don’t respond or reply. EXCUSE ME? How can that be right?
So I am asking myself the question: Who are the people that ARE my friends? My REAL friends. There are many people claiming they are, but they have disproved themselves by way of the introductory statement. So that’s what has brought me to this place of contemplation: When do you cut somebody loose?
I am not into burning bridges. In fact I think it’s wrong. But I also think it’s wrong that people want to catch the ride with you when its fun and all is going well. But when the head wind picks up or the distance grows wider and wider, they fade like mist before the sun - ghosts so to speak…or fair weather friends if you like. They like to watch you or listen to you speak, steal some inspiration and then run off to do their own thing until the inspiration runs out and they need some more of the same thing…in basic biology that is called a parasite. I am more into symbioses – meaning give an inch gain an inch and we all live happily ever after. Its understanding that in a fallen world like we live in today people find it harder and harder to uncover a true source of inspiration. Funny that the people I expect (and know have already found the Source) to have this inspiration thing covered are the ones constantly seeking for more. More of what? It’s also funny in a sad way to see how this phenomena spins around in a cycle. End of the year is a big peak in the graph. Everyone is searching that one thing that will inspire them through to the end of the year and into the new. Then the graph slows down as the first head winds pick up. Then it is Facebook-phone-a-happy-friend lifeline to find some more feel-good-esteem? How pathetic.
So – do I cut them loose or not? I don’t know the answer yet. I guess I will access every situation and individual on merit, based on history and circumstances. And because I am the one writing the program for my own matrix. Thus, I am the one who decides who gets to play and who doesn’t.
I don’t think I am a difficult person to be friends with. But I don’t like being taken for granted. I guess we all feel that way. We have all been taken for granted and the feeling sucks. Whether it was an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, parents or work colleagues…it doesn’t matter. You know the feeling. I am not perfect either, but I don’t take people for granted. But when I sense I am being taken for granted I step back into the shadow to follow the situation with a hawk eye. I think, to be honest, the cutting loose for me happens on a deeper level. To define it better - you are pushing someone out of your close circle of comrades into the sea of familiar faces where he or she becomes just another buddy by the sea.
I am saddened by the lovelessness that I encounter these days. I never expect of people to out-do themselves. But there are some basics. And there’s a Good Book that says in the last days the hearts of many will grow cold and there will be lovelessness and lawlessness on the streets…the thought sends shivers down my spine.
I guess this spell of contemplation has something to do with growing up. Not necessarily age, but they have a way of walking hand in hand. You come to a stage in your life where you have seen things, you have experienced things; a place where you know what it feels like to hurt and to be hurt; and eventually things become crystal clear – you realise what you want? At least in some way for me it’s true. And I have come to the conclusion that I don’t need people around me that will waste my time, cos time is the only thing in life that I have that cant be replaced. Once it gone, it is lost forever. Thus I will surround myself with people that inspire naturally; that live life; that are positive despite the head winds and the odds stacked up against them; people that refuse to roll over and die; people that make the waves, not only ride them; people that want to LIVE - not because they have to but because they WANT TO. These guys and girls I want to call my friends.
Now I ask myself the question whether or not friendship can be measured with the same mindset or belief. Well at least that has been my experience. People these days, in the era of technology and science; have come up with new ways to claim things. Like friendship on Facebook is a good example that we are all aware of. I am not for or against Facebook. In fact it helps me to keep up with friends across Europe on a day to day basis. People that respond faster to FB than they do to e-mail or phone calls. It has become just another helpful tool if implemented as such. For others it’s a favourite past time. All of a sudden you have people in all shapes and sizes claiming to be your friend. Before I realised this I had “accumulated” over 700 so-called friends in less than 6 months. Then I asked myself: Where did all these people come from? And why are they my friends. Then I started with a clean-up act and removed over 550 people. The feeling was unreal and so liberating. I am actually considering shutting the whole thing down. Like I started to despise my mobile phone, I am starting to despise FB. Not for the reason that it is not helpful. But because others are ABUSING your friendship by it. They make claims that are not their to make. And then get offended when you don’t respond or reply. EXCUSE ME? How can that be right?
So I am asking myself the question: Who are the people that ARE my friends? My REAL friends. There are many people claiming they are, but they have disproved themselves by way of the introductory statement. So that’s what has brought me to this place of contemplation: When do you cut somebody loose?
I am not into burning bridges. In fact I think it’s wrong. But I also think it’s wrong that people want to catch the ride with you when its fun and all is going well. But when the head wind picks up or the distance grows wider and wider, they fade like mist before the sun - ghosts so to speak…or fair weather friends if you like. They like to watch you or listen to you speak, steal some inspiration and then run off to do their own thing until the inspiration runs out and they need some more of the same thing…in basic biology that is called a parasite. I am more into symbioses – meaning give an inch gain an inch and we all live happily ever after. Its understanding that in a fallen world like we live in today people find it harder and harder to uncover a true source of inspiration. Funny that the people I expect (and know have already found the Source) to have this inspiration thing covered are the ones constantly seeking for more. More of what? It’s also funny in a sad way to see how this phenomena spins around in a cycle. End of the year is a big peak in the graph. Everyone is searching that one thing that will inspire them through to the end of the year and into the new. Then the graph slows down as the first head winds pick up. Then it is Facebook-phone-a-happy-friend lifeline to find some more feel-good-esteem? How pathetic.
So – do I cut them loose or not? I don’t know the answer yet. I guess I will access every situation and individual on merit, based on history and circumstances. And because I am the one writing the program for my own matrix. Thus, I am the one who decides who gets to play and who doesn’t.
I don’t think I am a difficult person to be friends with. But I don’t like being taken for granted. I guess we all feel that way. We have all been taken for granted and the feeling sucks. Whether it was an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, parents or work colleagues…it doesn’t matter. You know the feeling. I am not perfect either, but I don’t take people for granted. But when I sense I am being taken for granted I step back into the shadow to follow the situation with a hawk eye. I think, to be honest, the cutting loose for me happens on a deeper level. To define it better - you are pushing someone out of your close circle of comrades into the sea of familiar faces where he or she becomes just another buddy by the sea.
I am saddened by the lovelessness that I encounter these days. I never expect of people to out-do themselves. But there are some basics. And there’s a Good Book that says in the last days the hearts of many will grow cold and there will be lovelessness and lawlessness on the streets…the thought sends shivers down my spine.
I guess this spell of contemplation has something to do with growing up. Not necessarily age, but they have a way of walking hand in hand. You come to a stage in your life where you have seen things, you have experienced things; a place where you know what it feels like to hurt and to be hurt; and eventually things become crystal clear – you realise what you want? At least in some way for me it’s true. And I have come to the conclusion that I don’t need people around me that will waste my time, cos time is the only thing in life that I have that cant be replaced. Once it gone, it is lost forever. Thus I will surround myself with people that inspire naturally; that live life; that are positive despite the head winds and the odds stacked up against them; people that refuse to roll over and die; people that make the waves, not only ride them; people that want to LIVE - not because they have to but because they WANT TO. These guys and girls I want to call my friends.
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