This was the question that got stuck in my head yesterday as I made the train journey back from Barcelona to Montpellier. Have I come full circle? The last time I went to Barcelona I got robbed of everything that was precious to me. But as the train rolled on slowly there where many more thoughts that passed through my mind. I was not just the fact that I laid the ghost to rest. There was something else. Other things.
The first thing was the fear of not seeing my friends as often as I would like when I eventually return to wherever it is I am going next. Seeing Nuno and Clara in Barcelona, plus the conversation with Joe and seeing Maria, Angelique and Marco made me realise how fast things change. All the people that have played a role in one way or another in the past year. Seeing them again felt like completing a full circle. Watching the small towns go by took me back to some of my early days in France, before I meet all the people mentioned above - when I was still seeing the south with friends from the language school. People like Sanna and Nathalie. It was like returning to all the happy memories. The faces and places of people of the last year - perhaps another glimpse of a reflection.
Perhaps this is not the place to write down all that happened in the past year. The highlights of Montpellier. The endless summer. Champagne. Weekends away in London and Paris. But for a moment on the train yesterday the last 18 months flashed by and I could not help to sit and wonder about it all. It scares me to think that I have spent more time here compared to the time that is left of this incredible journey. People ask me if I don’t miss home. But I think to myself – where is home? Because the world has become my playground. From the hills of Tuscany to the plains in Champagne; the corner cafes of France and the waiting in transit on my way somewhere or returning from some place; From hotels and guest houses to the simplicity of my apartment in Montpellier.
I guess that way I love trains and the solitude of travelling on them. It feels as if time stands still for a while and you are given the opportunity to reflect on days and months gone by. All your sins and mistakes surface. You reflect on missed and fumbled chances. You ponder about broken hearts and misunderstandings. You consider the diagnosis of good fortune and lesser chance. You analyse and interrogate. You try to connect the dots and blot out the sun. Trying to make sense of it all. Smiling about weekends in Paris; smiling about that day in the sun in Collioure; the scooter and sunsets in San Torini. It all has come full circle indeed.
I feel as if I am coming closer to the end of an important chapter. And the prospects of the next chapter look peachy. Somewhere inside of me there is an echo of significance. A pushing; a pulling forward; a drive to pursue and investigate; to leave no stone unturned. I struggle to hide the excitement in me. As if the Fountain within has reached maximum pressure and the waters are about the spring forth. All I can do now is to turn back unto the Highway and follow the signs pointing North. The time of reflection has passed…and the time to write another chapter as come.
So the answer must be yes. I have come full circle. But in so many more ways than one…still loving life; still following the call that is my Heart; still answering to the Name that is mine and now reaching out towards the Desire. There is no substitute for living passionately.
Perhaps this is not the place to write down all that happened in the past year. The highlights of Montpellier. The endless summer. Champagne. Weekends away in London and Paris. But for a moment on the train yesterday the last 18 months flashed by and I could not help to sit and wonder about it all. It scares me to think that I have spent more time here compared to the time that is left of this incredible journey. People ask me if I don’t miss home. But I think to myself – where is home? Because the world has become my playground. From the hills of Tuscany to the plains in Champagne; the corner cafes of France and the waiting in transit on my way somewhere or returning from some place; From hotels and guest houses to the simplicity of my apartment in Montpellier.
I guess that way I love trains and the solitude of travelling on them. It feels as if time stands still for a while and you are given the opportunity to reflect on days and months gone by. All your sins and mistakes surface. You reflect on missed and fumbled chances. You ponder about broken hearts and misunderstandings. You consider the diagnosis of good fortune and lesser chance. You analyse and interrogate. You try to connect the dots and blot out the sun. Trying to make sense of it all. Smiling about weekends in Paris; smiling about that day in the sun in Collioure; the scooter and sunsets in San Torini. It all has come full circle indeed.
I feel as if I am coming closer to the end of an important chapter. And the prospects of the next chapter look peachy. Somewhere inside of me there is an echo of significance. A pushing; a pulling forward; a drive to pursue and investigate; to leave no stone unturned. I struggle to hide the excitement in me. As if the Fountain within has reached maximum pressure and the waters are about the spring forth. All I can do now is to turn back unto the Highway and follow the signs pointing North. The time of reflection has passed…and the time to write another chapter as come.
So the answer must be yes. I have come full circle. But in so many more ways than one…still loving life; still following the call that is my Heart; still answering to the Name that is mine and now reaching out towards the Desire. There is no substitute for living passionately.
No comments:
Post a Comment