across the room

i saw her from across the room. she was elegant. walked as a trained mannequin. long elegant steps towards perfection. sliding across my vantage point. i could not stop staring. a certain mystery about her. a cloud of confidence protected her. it made my eyes hurt. dressed with a spice of funk and spunk. a scent of style. it filled the whole room. was i the only one poisoned by her presence. drowning in her intrigue. beautiful yet simple. the way god made her. perfect. like a drug. i could not absorb enough. as if there was not point of saturation. no end to her excellence. then she was gone. suddenly from our presence. she kept me awake. who was she. the scent filled my nostrils. i could not wash it off. it followed me where ever i went. for weeks it bothered me. kept me awake. i could not focus. work was pointless. her dark fair hair and deep eyes. i could feel them on me. i would turn around. she was never there. around the corner i would search for her. in a crowd. at the market. pointless. she was gone. forever. forever gone.

journal

the great thing about a journal is the fact that is never lies. it never changes tune. it never changes its story. dont you just love that. the truth of who you are. black and white. no denying it. you wrote it. what woul be the point of lying. ever felt stupid about what you wrote. about what you have done. off course. that is called human. reality. i found myself paging through the leather binder. pure gold. i treasure my journal. why. cause it tells the story of my life. i. me. moi. nobody can deny what is written there. nobody can ever read what is written there. its mine only. ours actually. it speaks of great times and hard times. falling in and out of love. breaking hearts and being heart broken. winning and losing. success and failure. the past and the future. people. they play the princess. the villan. the hero. how precious are they not. they helped forming me. i am what i am. i do what i do. i think what i think. i say what i say. because of their influence. their input. their criticism. arrogant. judgemental. proud. friendly. spontaneous. crazy. selfish. loner. feather headed. never minded. absent minded. thinker. nice. what a mix. some good i think. you are in there too. find yourself. paint yourself. use colour. dont be bland. be creative. be real. be yourself. nobody is watching. write your story. tell the truth. tell it as it is. nobody is watching. nobody. nobody.

the reason

i often told people during the earlier days that i was busy writing this book. in a way it was the truth and in a way very far from it. i always had the desire to write what was going on in my head. to paint a picture of what happened in my emotions and dreams. to draw the smiles and to erase the sorrows. somehow I never got past the second page. therefore i think i have written over a dozen first two pages. they all started out guns blazing but the ideas quickly faded and die. finding the reason for this became my quest. my mission. something that just had to be done. then one night i caught up with genna. and i realised that the stories had to be told.

faith enough

ice is thin enough for walking. rope is worn enough to climb. my throat is dry enough for talking. the world is crumblin but i don’t know why. storm is wild enough for sailing. bridge is weak enough to cross. body frail enough for fighting. im home enough to know im lost. its just enough to be strong. in the broken places. its just enough to be strong. should the world rely on faith tonight. land unfit enough for planting. barren enough to conceive. poor enough to gain the treasure. enough a cynic to believe. confused enough to know direction. sun eclipsed enough to shine. be still enough to finally tremble. see enough to know im blind. should the world rely on faith tonight

alter-ego me

i will not fear as I wait for the dawn. you keep on holding my hand. im crying out from the depths of my soul. with words I just cant understand. you have set my feet upon a rock thats not moving. you have placed a song of hope in my heart and im singing. im praying. god the artist designed you and me. with his will and purpose in mind.
but i keep on striving and trying to be. someone ive made with my pride. now the fires of hell burnt high and tried to destroy me. i run to your willow god i know youll restore me. and reform me.

the day we almost lost bob

my goodness. what a moment in time. flying dutchman in full glory. i have yet to come across anybody as crazy as this guy. for now we will call him bob. take ozzie osbourne. take homer simpson. clone the two. voila. bob. cant stop laughing. add spices. forgetfulness. absent mindedness. stubbornness. frustration. laughter. tears. who forgets where the car was parked. who falls asleep in a cafe chair. a madman. a friend. a must have for a weekend trip.

the luberon

after a weekend in the luberon i am lost in space and time. truely unique experience. crusing off in no real direction we took a two left turns and a right too many i guess. but after a few hic-ups we made it. the swedish princess. the flying dutchman. and moi. ended up in a mountain village of the luberon. with p trees all over. magical. a small country aurberge for the night. one pastis. two pastis. three. cosy and cute. no bugs in the bed. bonus. breakfast. you guessed it. croissant et cafe au lait. from here we rolled across the hills and fields of the luberon. lavender and sunflowers everywhere. lanes with p trees before and after every town. the wind on my face. i can sense the eternity under my skin. air filled with the sharp scent of lavender. unforgettable. truely. felt as if i had taken a purple bath. i just want to lie down and never wake up. a perfect moment. nothing but the feeling of foreverness. joy. peace. quiet. tranquility. these words have taken a new form. new meaning. perhaps closer to truth. i have been put under a spell. a mixture of lavender and sunflower. that is all that was needed.

tour de france comes to town

well. well. well. what a rush. tour de france. wow. after robbie hunter won the 11th stage that ended in montpellier i was even more excited. i had to get up early to watch the start of stage 12. also leaving from montpellier. and guess what. there he was. perhaps 5 meters from me. i shouted his name. said something in afrikaans. he looked up. smiled. and gave he a nodd. it sounds stupid. i know. the atmosphere was electric. if you have not experienced the tour de france you will not understand. my heart beat was so fast i could hardly breath. it was magical.

life everyday

you may want to know what chef is up to everyday. well. i go to class for six hours. one week form 08.45 till 15.20. the next from 12.45 till 19.05. trying to master tthe language of love. french. l'amour. it is hard. to speak is hard. to listen and comprehend is easier. to read is easiest. daily routine is simple. getting up is hard. i am making my comeback as a student. so i have to learn the lazy ways of living again. funny. it comes quite natural. funny. sure in a few months time chef will be a master in the art of snoozing. after breakfast i study. i do homework. i am a good student still. walking to class is a joy. i stop at a cafe and have a cafe au lait. in france coffee equals espresso. if you want milk you ask for cafe au lait. coffee with milk. or cafe creme. coffee with cream. with that comes the second best thing. croissant. nobody makes them the way the french do. perhaps it is just because it is france. they sure taste different though. opposite the school i grab a bottle of water. it keeps me going during the grave yard shift. hours five and six. i love class. it is fun. my brain gets to work in a different way. i enjoy languages. i enjoy the people in my class. from all over. different acsents. different struggles. different reasons for being here. we talk politics. we talk countries. we talk travels. we ask. what is your country like. dangerous. sea. mountains. wars. beautiful. fairyland. dessert land. it depends where you are from. a real mixed bag. class is finished. everybody scatters. all to their own safe place. another cafe. another pastis. another book. another destination. a walk down the promenade. a tour through a park. every run a new journey of discovery. diner at the residence. salade niscoise at chez marie. pizza with the crazy man. crepes from brettane. terrible they are. served by a pirate. scary bugger he is. stay away. un autre cafe s'il vous plait. no sugar. straight up. good stuff. a stroll back home. my room. small perhaps. happy indeed. my castle. my fortress.

first impressions

my first impressions on my new home. wow. lots to say. can i describe it in one word. let my try. then i will paint the picture. my word. alluring. my picture. yellow paint. the atmosphere here is sensual. everybody is smiling. laughing. chatting. the place is a buzz. life is hapening. everyone seem to be happy within themselves. they might show it in a different way. red paint. food and wine is symonymous to france. need i say more. cream paint. pastis. 51. ricard. pernod. you have to try this stuff. aperitif own to the area. a new find for me. i place it high on my list. next to the stuff with the bubbles. blue paint. i discovered a small town nestled away in the hidden area of catalane. close to the spanish border. home of henry matisse. who said. there is no place on earth where the sky is as blue as in collioure. i have to agree with him. the small town of collioure is trapped between sea and mountain. vineyards all over the hillside. yachts in the bay. music and joy from the street cafes. life in motion. green paint. the vines. chateaus. they are everywhere. the region of languedoc has the greatest area planted under vines in france. surely something good has to come for that. i have taken it upon myself to find them. one by one. black paint. la prefecture. the french version of home affairs office. people dont believe when i tell them it is slower than back home in africa. it is. i have been there four time already. it cost me twelve hours of my life and i have nothing to show for it yet. this cloud has no silver lining. i hope that the tide will turn and that i will have my silver lining after all. donc. je suis fini. a demain.

the process of change

a lot of people dont really understand starting a new life elsewhere. a foreign country. new people. new language. they see it as one long holiday. is it really. all your friends are back home. your loved ones far away. easy. surely not. they say home is where the heart is. is it really. if you relocate to another country you have to start a new life. you cant live physically in one place and emotionally in another. people dont get that. for what reason i dont know. its not something you want to do. it is not that you forget them. it is a matter of overcoming your new challenge. if not you will get seriously depressed. for you long to be elsewhere. ask anyone that has gone through that experience. they will tell you. call me a softy. i call it real. i call it owing up to the reality of your emotions. for those who still have access to theirs. its not what others see. its what you see when you get up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror.

empty pursuit

consider the following. this quote from charles spurgeon. men are in a restless pursuit after satisfaction in earthly things. they will exhaust themselves in the deceitful delights of sin. finding them all to be vanity and emptiness. they will become very perplexed and disappointed. but they will continue their fruitless search. they still stagger forward under the influence of spiritual madness. though there is no result to be reached except that of everlasting disappointment. yet they press forward. they have no forethought for their eternal state. the present hour absorbs them. they turn to another and another of earth's broken cisterns. hoping to find water where not a drop was ever discovered yet.

good news

yes. there is good news out there too. not only negatives. more positives. it depends. where do you stand. what do you see. what is your point of view. two people can look at the same thing from different angles and see the complete opposite. your position is more than often a decision you make. what do you choose. to see good. or to see bad. to be positive. or to be negative. negative sucks.

is life that simple

i want to ask you a question. if life was all that simple why are so many people living on the streets. why are so many peolpe eating from a dust bin. a trash can. somebody elses through aways. if life was all that simple why are there so many fatherless daughters. why so many motherless children. who takes responsability for them. are you. would you. can you. if life was that simple why dont we have the answers. are we asking the right questions. are we looking in the right places. are we reaching the right people. are we reaching people at all. how. where. when. who. do you see a difference. i dont. why. will you take responsibilty for them. will i. would i. can i. if life was all that simple why dont people have respect. why are we so self indulged. we focus on ourselves. we want. we gain. we win. we have. can ou take it with you. where to. where are you going. who will be there. what will they look like. what will they have. what will they give. will they be real. are they real. what is real. who is real. who knows the answers. answers to what. questions. whose qusetions.

living in france

i have recently moved to france. what a country. great people. funny language. amazing food. wines to die for. arts and music that is out of this world. a lifestyle fit for a king. i have the opportunity to discover this beautiful land. to see its splendor. to feel its moods. to appreciate its people and thier going about everyday life. they live to the full. they understand abundance. they live as if there is no tomorrow. have i found my people. have i found my place. is this my answer. my nirvana on earth. my camelot. my canaan. only time will tell. i invite you to join me on my journey through this point in space and time. it is going to be a magical ride. bon voyage.

a new start

hello everyone. all have been through new beginnings in their lives. i am currently experiencing one and it is typical. some things are exciting. others are scary and frightening. you just dont know what will come next. being the optimist that i am i think that no one should be intimidated by circumstances. because that is all that they are. circumstances. your passion and vision for life should carry you through tough spots. dry seasons. desert land. have we not all been in this place before. have we not all conquered the desert or dry land before. sure we have. ask yourself what makes this one different. different monsters and drangons to slay. another day. another battle. you have what it takes. believe in yourself. why. because you are fighting for something. a passion. a dream.