a dark soul

there comes a time when you look in the mirror and you are not particularly impressed with the way things have turned out. you stand there amazed at the face staring back at you. not so much the physical appearance. but rather the dark and sadness in the eyes. you thought you were a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. you can fool a lot of people around you. but when it comes to facing up to your inner man there is no hiding the truth. those eyes don't lie. they speak from a dark place deep inside your soul that once was the fuel of your everyday life. a place you though you have left behind. a place you've turned your back on. sorted out. never to see the light of day again. then years later it shows its ugly face again. some people call it depression. but it is not really that. it is something worse. far worse. i like to call it the spirit of death. it is that place in your soul that thinks it can take over and cause havoc and destruction. it is a self-inflicted wound that refuses to heal. it brings hurt and rejection to the surface of a decaying broth. it remains unpredictable. you feel as if your life is spinning out of orbit and that all control has been lost. yet there is an Answer to this. the Answer will never leave you nor forsake you. the Answer will complete the good work He has started in you. the Answer = Jesus Christ.

if you are south african - you need healing

 

the process of healing starts with acknowledgement of the need for it, but for many the level of woundedness is so deep that they need to be supported in order to acknowledge their pain. strong and effective leadership is essential to encourage a movement towards the quest for healing. when that acknowledgement is blocked for whatever reason, the emotions which have an impact on the immune system, the neurological system, the circulatory system, the whole body, trigger psychological changes such as blood pressure, temperature, digestion and end up making the whole body ill. there is always a tight relationship between the illness we suffer and the emotions we express or suppress. it is sometimes difficult to explain why South Africa should be so focused on social pain from the legacy of the past, given that other post-colonial African countries have also suffered discrimination and oppression. my own view is that most Africans in post-colonial Africa are also affected by social pain but the difference between SA and the rest of the continent is the extent and impact of social pain. the visibility of the stark differences between lives of grinding poverty and those spent in comfort and conspicuous consumption rubs salt into the wounds of those enduring social pain. given its advanced urbanised economy relative to the rest of the continent, SA has created intimate proximity between the haves and the have-nots in which domestic and other menial workers are daily witnesses to, and servants of, the lives of the wealthy. black South Africans have alwyas been essential to the creation, maintenance and prosperity of the privileged lifestyles of their white compatriots. they have always been part of the intimate domain of homes, hospitals, retirement facilities where they have rendered essential services. they were constantly subjected to the humiliation of being denied the dignity of sharing entrances, utensils and other basic facilities with their fellow citizens. for example, simple issues such as a clean flushing toilet for white people versus a smelly long-drop for black people working in the same company or household from part of the painful memories of many. or black mine workers having to live in an overcrowded mine hostel whilst white colleagues enjoy family homes. it is relative deprivation in SA that makes inequality so painful for so many and the social pain so deep and so widespread in our society.

(from Conversations with my Sons and Daughters by Mamphela Ramphele)

social pain

modern psychologists are becoming increasingly aware that "human beings are wired for inter-connectedness". some authors go as far as to suggest that social connectedness is a need as basic as air, water or food. the lack of a sense of social connectedness may result in deprivation that is expressed as social pain, which is to be understood as suffering caused by harm or threat to social connectedness. it is a form of emotional or psychological pain. bereavement, embarrassment, shame and other hurt feelings are types of social pain. people who have or are suffering from social pain tend also to suffer from low self-esteem which sets off a vicious cycle of not being sociable or fun to be with. affected individuals are often seen as brooding, undesirable social partners which compounds the sense of being marginalised and excluded.

(from Conversations with my Sons and Daughters, by Mamphela Ramphele)

reflections of our times

the "doing" has overtaken the "being". our homes have become empty and dull. there is a lack of "genuineness" in our conversations. there is an ever growing inadequacy to communicate between generations. we have become too busy to stop and listen, to reflect and celebrate our being together. our homes, families and societies have become empty and void. frenetic schedules are not confined to our parents, but has also been passed on to our children with unhealthy expectations placed upon all to over perform or out perform the proverbial "Jones clan" from next door. our lives are increasingly programmed to include a significant proportion of our time outside the family circle and we are increasingly missing out on the joy of just being together and marveling at the beauty  of togetherness. the kitchen table is empty and the fire side seats are cold. the sharing of experiences and ideas has grown dim as older generations and younger ones alike abstain from cross-generational interactions. what are we teaching our children? what example are we setting?
(thoughts of Mamphela Ramphele)