the chronicles of a nomad

when things are tough

2011-11-20T09:16:00.000-08:00

when things are tough.....where do you run to? where do you hide? where do you find rest? where do you find peace? we all need someone that we can trust. someone that listens. some one that understands. that does not interrupt when we speak. someone not full of good ideas and schemes. someone that knows the truth. Someone that IS the truth. recently there has been some things that has been very hard. emotionally draining and seriously challenging. you try and you fight and you do everything in your power, in your own strength to get out on the other side. but at some point you realize that what you have is not going to be enough. you turn to friends. they support you the best they can. but at some point even their understanding and ability is not enough. their personal experiences can only take you that far. and once again you come to a place were you run out of ideas and answers. what then? what is your last resort? who do you turn to? do you have someone? i sure hope you do. i hope that you know the Truth. the truth that is Jesus Christ. cause without Him we all run dry at some stage of our lives. without Him you will always come up short.

this is love

2011-09-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

It's in the eyes of the children
As they leave for the very first time
And it's in the heart of the soldier
As he takes a bullet on the front line
It's in the face of a mother
As she takes the force of a blow
And it's in the hands of the father
As he works his fingers to the bone

I'm standing under a white flag
Can you see me now
Can you see me
I'm standing for everything we have
Can you hear me now
Can you hear me

This is why we do it
This is worth the pain
This is why we bow down
And get back up again
This is where the heart lies
This is from Above
Love is this
This is love
Love is why we do it
Love is worth the pain
Love is why we fall down
Get back up again
Love is where the heart lies
Love is from Above
Love is this
This is love

It's in the soul of a city
What it does after it crumbles and burns
And it's in the blood of a hero
To know where he goes he may never return

I'm standing under a white flag
Can you see me now
Can you see me
I'm standing for everything we have
Can you hear me now
Can you hear me

This is why we do it
This is worth the pain
This is why we bow down
And get back up again
This is where the heart lies
This is from Above
Love is this
This is love
Love is why we do it
Love is worth the pain
Love is why we fall down
Get back up again
Love is where the heart lies
Love is from Above
Love is this
This is love

If you could be anywhere that you wanted to be
With anyone that you wanted to be with
Do anything that you wanted to do
What would it be and who would be with you
Time flies but you're the pilot
It moves real fast but you're the driver

This is why we do it
This is worth the pain
This is why we bow down
And get back up again
This is where the heart lies
This is from Above
Love is this
This is love
Love is why we do it
Love is worth the pain
Love is why we fall down
Get back up again
Love is where the heart lies
Love is from Above
Love is this
This is love

modified lyrics of a song by The Script

blind loyalty

2011-08-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

“sorry sir...but our brand has misplaced your loyalty. “

in the times that we live loyalty has become a one-sided affair. the slaves of loyalty are losing their identity for the sake of others or to the benefit of others. i find that in today’s modern world there are a lot of misplaced loyalty. we live in a world that has become driven by brands. people have become brands. sporting teams have become brands. but a person can’t be expected to be loyal to something or someone who is destroying them. a person can’t be expected to be loyal to something or someone that asks them to go against their personal morals, values or integrity. but our brand driven culture is doing just that. it also requires of one to overlook, ignore or set aside their own ethics and beliefs and replace them with those of the person or group from whom the demand emanates. such expectation of misplaced or blind loyalty runs contrary to our essential human character of self-preservation and results in a loss of our identity. this is a high price to pay. we live in times where the world is filled with horrific role models. our youth are sucked into a vortex of filth resulting in little self respect and zero tolerance and respect for other individuals. and the brands of the world promote and encourage this with their music, movies and advertisements. brands promote rebellion resulting in mayhem and chaos. we do very little to make sure that the brands that we are loyal to are standing for a good cause. that the ethos of that particular brand resonates with your ethics and beliefs. words such as “fidelity – allegiance – devotion – commitment” are used synonyms for loyalty. ever wondered whether the brand(s) you are so fond about are committed to you as you think they are? are they devoted to you? to serve you? i don’t have a problem with brand. on the contrary. i believe they are important. my issue is with the slaves of misplaced and blind loyalty that “sacrifice” their individuality and identity to conform to an idea or feeling of belonging. a brand can never give you that sense of belonging that every person on the face of this planet long for. real loyalty brings a sense of freedom and misplaced loyalty brings a feeling of entrapment, guilt and shame for not having it .

irritation

2011-08-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

sometimes you hit a wall of irritation. for no specific reason. it just happens. other words that go hand in hand with irritation is annoyance, impatience and frustration. heard of them before? i have had a whole four days of that now. i can't tell you where it started or what caused it. all i know is that it is getting under my skin and it sucks. you are grumpy and sour towards everybody around you and you are a pain to be around. i guess it is perhaps better in days like this to stay out of peoples way. before you say or do things that can hurt people or scar relationships. we often do or say things from a compromising position and we underestimate the impact it has on others. but the catch 22 is that you cant see when you are in a compromising position. i call it our blind spots. it takes a moment of clarity or divine inspiration to illuminate these spots. cause we are not very often in a position to receive correction. the best is to weather the storm. to remain humble. and wait for the sun to break through.

lighthouse

2011-08-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

look to the sky now
look to the water
the earth below
gravity pulls me
i can’t resist you
there is no question
there is no warning
you spin me round
darkness is falling
there’s only one way out

you know you reel me in
you know you pull me closer
you know you keep me warm
tonight

miles away
i can look down from space
know where i’ve been
know where i am and where i’m going
lost at sea i see you shine for me
you are my lighthouse
you are my lighthouse

millions of stars in one constellation
could guide me home
you are the reason
you are my calling
longing to hold you
longing to have you
to myself
you are the one thing keeping me going now

you’re the air i breathe
you’re the voice inside my head
you’re the fire inside my heart

miles away
i can look down from space
know where i’ve been
know where i am and where i’m going
lost at sea i see you shine for me
you are my lighthouse
you are my lighthouse

yeah
when my world comes crashing down
i can find my way out
you are there to light the way
shining so bright

lyrics by elvis blue

redeem the time

2011-08-12T08:28:00.000-07:00

“redeem the time for the days are few”... quite a profound statement if you think about it. it was made almost two thousand years ago. the man responsible for this quote at that stage was experiencing a lot of persecution for the message he was proclaiming across the world. i wonder some days what that must have been like. surely with the persecution there must have been physical attacks as well as mockery and slander. lately i have been experiencing a lot of internal persecution. this makes me wonder whether what i am experiencing is anything like that of the apostle paul. i wonder whether something pushed him to this point to make such a statement. redeem the time? this means “cash in the time” or “buy back the time”. what was happening that made him utter such a statement? he must have seen or heard something that was profound. i feel the sting of these words because lately i feel as if i am waiting precious time. i struggle to find meaning in a lot of things. it feels as if i can do so much more with my time....with my life. i question my purpose and my destiny. i challenge my daily existence and wonder what the hec this is all about. ever felt like that? sure you have...that time when very few things made sense. that place of striving. not knowing what you are striving for. no peace. no rest for your soul. not one of my favourite places to be. but it does happen every now and then. the best thing to do is to acknowledge the moment and push through it. that is currently my situation. therefore these words are a massive wake-up call and a challenge. yet at the same time it inspires me to knuckle down and find my peace and rest once more. the worst thing to do in such a situation is to slow down and lose momentum. then you get taken out and it is a downward spiral for there on. my advice to myself: forget about your own selfish ambitions and desires. humble yourself and serve others. this helps me to take the focus off “ME” and before you know it your life is back in focus and your peace and rest returns in the blink of an eye. therefore in these days...redeem the time. live a life with an outward focus and soon you will understand why paul spoke these words. sela.

fresh look

2011-08-02T08:49:00.000-07:00

to all my readers. this blog will be getting a serious face lift over the next few weeks to give it a FRESH look. there will be more regular posts too. looking forward to share new insights and experiences with you.

my joyful noise

2011-04-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

she
my wife
rock star
super model
joker
friend

she
my wife
sassy
funny
exciting
funky chick

she
my wife
inspires
encourages
challenges
brings out the best

she
my wife
blue eyes
killer smile
sensitive soul
warming spirit

she
my wife
oozing confidence
spirited enthusiasm
brutal honesty
my joyful noise

someone like you

2011-04-17T04:37:00.000-07:00

challenges. we all know them. we all face them. we all live through them. the way you come out on the other side is determined by your attitude. you can either come out the other side stronger or weaker. we are faced with choices daily that determine the path and how our short life story will play out. the same when it comes to your past and your memories of it. we like to dwell in the past. we listen to songs of broken hearts and broken relationships. of things lived and lost. to stand still and re-live those moments. however - i recently decided to rather focus on my future and painting new memories of my future. the future that i will share with my beautiful wife. the partner i have chosen to share the rest of my life with. modern day life has set us up! i was one of its biggest victims. it wants us to stand still in the past. it tries to cripple us with memories of pain. memories of failure. memories of what could have been but never will be. it slowes us down to live life. it steals from the joys that awaits us around every corner. instead we live life looking over our shoulder. music. movies. all forms of entertainment these days speak to that dark side we carry around inside of us. it speaks and stirs our darkest emotions that wants to run back to that place of empty promises and lost opportunities. BUT NOT ME. i am looking forward. anticipating the fabulous future. spending every moment with the love of my life. sharing crazy situations. deepest secrets. creating memories that will stand for eternity. moments that will last for a lifetime. i am glad i found someone like you. the one next to whom i will wake up next to for as long as i live. the one with the big blues eyes and fair skin. the one that makes me laugh. the one that keeps me sane. the one that i can trust and confide in. i can tell you everything. i want to. i have to. cos we are one. and will always be.

emotional masochism

2011-04-11T23:37:00.001-07:00

we have all been there. emotional masochism. once in your lifetime. it was the bread on your butter. the bitter with your sweet. the pity at your party. i just finished reading a book that made me realize how pathetic we can be. i listened to a sermon about the power of our thoughts and that the battle rages in our minds, thoughts and emotions. a mind siege. all of us have built relationships on memories. perceptions of feelings. we have put ourselves through endless weeks and months of misery. all based on a thought. an emotion. that connection you thought you had – all in the mind. imagination. trying to figure out what it was that you were feeling. trying to come to terms with your emotions. when it was all lies that your mind was selling you. and you fell for it. hook line. and sinker. so i was wondering why we do this. and emotional masochisms was the answer that i came up with. feeling sorry for yourself and dwelling on the pain. feeding off it. it comes from our introspective selfish nature as humans. its all about me. once you turn your focus outward - fears, feelings and emotions of this kind becomes a vapor in the wind. don’t underestimate the power of your mind. or the control of your emotions over your rational. people go crazy because they don’t understand this about themselves. they merely brush it aside and say: its only thoughts. but your thoughts become patterns in your life that in turn becomes actions and then habits. therefore program your mind not to dwell on these thoughts of self-inflicted pain. rather live a life of freedom. free from negative and painful thoughts. longing for a place of false safety that you have created in your mind. walk away. do it today. it is not worth turning back to. if you are honest with yourself right now – you don’t really want that which you crave in your mind. you would rather enjoy the freedom from it.

the true meaning of contentment

2011-03-28T04:31:00.000-07:00

as we are getting closer to the end of another harvesting season the word that springs to mind after this crazy time is contentment. it is always a season where normal life seize to happen and you survive the days on adrenaline. days that never have enough time to complete your daily task and the hope that it will not be too late if it is left till tomorrow. yet in all this turmoil to find contentment is such a great sense of achievement...and also purpose. my conviction defines contentment as: desiring what you already have. thus not to strive towards things that are unattainable. things that fill your worries to the level of unrealistic. issues and ideas that distract you from that which is in front of you. how often do you find yourself in that place of wanting to be somewhere else. or doing something else. after every harvest season a time of reflection is needed. this usually takes some time and is an ongoing process. time to revise what has happened and the things that can be improved upon. but as most things in life work-related issues and life-related issues are intertwined and therefore inseparable. and that is how i came to this junction of answering my own question of whether or not i have reached that place of contentment. to be honest i dont think i have nailed it completely but definitely got very close. taking some time out this past weekend at the beach house did help to put some things into perspective. a clearing of the head was needed to re-focus on the task that awaits in the few months to come. allocation and blending is another challenge all together it being more creative and inventive. the truth remains....to be content with your day to day is a massive luxury in life that very few people have. i count my lucky starts and will continue with a thankful attitude.

mid-harvest euphoria

2011-03-05T03:21:00.000-08:00

it’s that time of the season when everything is such a rush that you hope you get to do all the essentials. it’s a time of pressure. but it’s a time of character too. it’s the time when you see new wines born. old ideas dying. the young wines are bubbling and foaming cause of the fermentation. the old wines in the barrels sighing cause it is time for them to come out of their three years of hibernation. it’s their time to become blends and champions in their own right.
this season we have played our hand with some new faces on the cultivar shelf. varieties such as carmenere (from chile), graciona (hailing form spain), tempranillo (also from spain)….only to name a few. in total we have (thus far) harvested over twenty different cultivars. exciting stuff. and they are looking good already. i realize that it is a honor to be exposed to such a variety (excuse the pun) of varieties. hehehe.
the sense of satisfaction is rising as the harvest progresses. it has taken a lot of time and effort of all involved to make this season another memorable one. this mid-harvest euphoria reminds me why i have decided to do what i do….to make the best wine possible. and i am still loving it. as a matter of fact – i am loving it more than ever.

the heat of the harvest

2011-02-09T05:56:00.000-08:00

every year for a few months my job requires of me to turn into this working machine. where days are endless and weeks never seem to begin or end. i wake up in the morning asking my wife what day it is. it is a turmoil of thoughts and ideas. it is a mixure of tribulations and victories. we call it the harvest… and that is what we winemakers do. it is what we live for. it is the eager anticipation that last for months. and now finally it is here.
the harvest requires a serious level of multi tasking, the processing of information and the eclipse of the performance is off course the day ritual of tasting. decisions are made every split second and some plans and dreams of blends, aromas and flavors take center stage. the harvest is the culmination of a growing season that ebb and flows according to the weather. these patterns are the blue print of what underwrites the potential of the vintage or that particular year.
emotions run high. a lot of shouting takes place. instructions are passed on. analyses are captured and deciphered. more decisions are made, more instructions churned out of the brain of the winemaker. eager anticipation. each tank. each barrel…a potential masterpiece. but only time will tell. patience and persistence is the name of the game. we can only wait and see what the outcome will be.
raise a glass to another good year.

DIY – do it yourself

2011-01-05T04:43:00.000-08:00

if you have lost your inspiration….you have come to the right place. lost inspiration in my opinion is often a case of blurred vision or you complicating matters in your head. we have become masters at over-thinking the smallest of issues. this is a frequent problem for most people. instead of steam rolling over it with positive attitude we stop to over-analyze. but don’t fall into that trap. you will only become your own worst enemy. it is my understanding that most people walk around with this deep-rooted self pity. a bad case of feeling sorry for themselves. and we justify it with the most bizarre arguments. often we feel that the world owes us something. the truth of the matter is that the world owes you nothing. and the saying that goes: “life is unfair”….utter rubbish. it is not about fair or unfair. it is about taking responsibility for your own life and living it. stop outsourcing your responsibility. stop outsourcing your future. other people will not make it happen for you. other people will not invest so much into your future. and why should they. if you want it….whether time, money or sanity…you have to do it yourself. don’t outsource your inspiration either. find what works for you. hold onto that which makes your heart beat faster. keep a journal or write it down. find a dictaphone from the 1960’s if you have to. do something. but don’t just sit there waiting. don’t sit there criticizing and moaning. DIY…do it yourself.

partner in crime

2011-01-05T03:12:00.000-08:00

on our BIG day...with my new ETERNAL partner in crime!

new perspective

2011-01-05T02:43:00.000-08:00

since the last time wrote on my blog, life has had a dramatic change….for the good. it is as if i have been given a new pair of eyes or spectacles to see the world differently. and the change has been exciting. i reckon life is to short to remain negative all the time. for many 2010 was a tough year. but i have decided that for 2011 my motto would be: “every challenge yields an opportunity”. i am writing new unrealistic goals. i am planning a round-the-world trip with my new partner in crime…aka MY WIFE. i have decided to take more holiday and spend less time wondering and worrying about crises that will never happen. i plan to see the lighter side of life and to smile more at strangers. i have to confess….my new partner in crime has had a dramatic effect on my life. nothing looks the same, nothing smells or tastes the same. perspective and attitude has changed. i have been challenged, inspired and encouraged. i realize that my life will never be the same again….and i love my new reality.

STOP! ABSORB...

2010-09-09T12:20:00.000-07:00

time to reflect. to take stock. to see where you are at. there comes a time when you have to slow down and stop to look around you. to look up. to escape from the rush of life. if not life will pass you by. you will not embrace the moment when it comes. you will miss the moment. rushing off to the next moment only to miss that one too. STOP! look up. smell the flowers. enjoy the sunset. smile to the people on the underground. show acts of kindness. slow it down to a blur. your life will be richer. your life will be fuller. small things will have new meaning. you will have more purpose. more focus. more drive when this drug of ABSORBING life gets into your blood.

is your clock ticking

2010-09-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

i have realised that your priorities and views in life change. and if you allow them and dont resist it can happen faster than you think. the thing is this. some people embrace the changes around them. they anticipate and get excited. other resist without end and fret just the thought of the uncomfort of change. which one are you. i realise that it is situation driven. most of the times i prefer the change. thats my nature. at the same time i appreciate routine. but not the boring type. hec - i am an artist. thus the question. when last did you make a major change. is it not time for a bit of colour. a bit of dusting off. a time for change...

new life

2010-08-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

(this is FRANSCHHOEK - my new home)

life has changed so fast around me it has taken me almost a year to adapt to the change. and i am not done yet. it has been ten months since i exchanged europe and the uk for africa after three unforgettable years. but it was time to return to my roots. time to live new dreams and face new challenges. realities differ and so does the circumstances. but none the less. all of it is worthwhile. your role that you play in society changes. you are no longer in cognito. you are no longer a stranger. you are known and recognized. familiarities return. people tolerate and they dont celebrate you as a person. you learn to deal with different types of discrimination all over again. it is an ebb and flow of emotions and feelings. then you realize....people will always remain just that...PEOPLE. Fallible and indifferent to change.
but i on the other hand have embraced the changed. a new life. filled with new adventures. different adventures. some challenging. other life changing. like opening your life to make space for one more. massive. massive. massive. then you think to yourself. have i been this shallow all along. have i been this selfish.
at the end of october my life will change forever. FOR THE GOOD. never to be the same again. i will embark on a journey that will open doors and new opportunities. why. because that is how life works. some things have to die for new life to grow. there are things in me that has to die. cos it will give way to new life.
i am excited about this new chapter. thus i lay the challenge before you. is it not time that you write a new chapter in your own life...

tomorrow

2010-03-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

I am bemused by the narrow mindedness around me. People’s inability to function without a system guiding their every step. People’s lack of drive and ambition. A mediocre society that has become content with a sub-standard lifestyle. A life dictated by trends and technologies. Fueled by the latest robotics and false heroics. A world that has become numb to the simplicities around us and are sucked into the mass media propagandas of the day. Our children have become sheep in our modern day culture where everything is given to them on a platter. We are creating robots that will self-destruct. Insensitive to what is happening around them. Blunt from the pains of violence, divorce and abortion. Drunk on the drugs of what we call liberty, freedom of speech, freedom to express, human rights, post modernism. We have created a false self. We have twisted the truth to fatten our own egos. We have generated a so-called fool-proof system in which we are both the protagonist and the antagonist. Thus we fight ourselves to the end. I am sickened by selfish and short-sighted entrepreneurialism. We admire and honor them not seeing the crippling effect on the Joe Soaps of our society. We have become so obsesses with our own ways. Blocked out and boxed in the very essence that forms a society. Our children and our parents. We have been fed the lies that keeps our dreams suppressed. In a world where the rich get richer and the poor….well frankly, they just don’t make it to the next day. Have our hearts become this dull, this futile. Have we become so entangled in our own struggle for survival. It is my hope and prayer that soon there will be a generation that will see. That will listen. That will respond. That will not be scared to take on the secret old-boys clubs that hide in dark corners and conspire to suppress the future of our children. That will think big. A generation that will break free into a brighter tomorrow.

change

2010-01-09T09:07:00.000-08:00

there comes a time in every man's life where he stands before the ultimate decision...do i change or do i continue... which is a question that concerns the battle of every man's heart. do i go down the lonely and selfish road.... or do i allow myself to be change for greater glory...? this is where true heros are born. the one's that make a conscious decision to lay down their own lives for others. the one's that give up former glories and successes...having seen the emptiness of hollow promises. the one's that fight the inner battle....not because they necessarily want to. but because they know the victory will have a resounding significance. thwy know that change is inevitable.

the secret is timing

2010-01-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

how profound. i learnt something new on a recent holiday trip... that life is all about waiting for the opportune moment to make it happen. it is all about waiting for the right moment to act. to take the opportunity. the old quote reads...a opportunity of a lifetime is trapped between a lifetime of opportunities. i have realised that what i am doing now is only another stepping stone on the road. another piece of the puzzle. even though it might be the ultimate job or place for some....simple put....for me it is not enough. my dreams are bigger. my dreams are impossible. they take me to places few other people feel comfortable to even dream or think about. but i see the challenge. i see the adventure and the danger that awaits. cos it is part of my make-up as a warrior leader. the secret is timing. to move at the right moment. to await the signal. the call. the cry. there is a battle raging...and i am still in boot camp. but the time is coming when i will get my call...and then i will be ready to take the next step.

cry the beloved country

2009-10-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

it has been a few weeks since i have returned to my home country after a couple of years abroad. and the feeling has been surreal. it has been a quiet homecoming. but i prefer it that way. i realise that the more things change the more they stay the same. things have moved on. have become more expensive. people have become more selfish. but my optimism still remains. the time has come for me to give back. and i do so gladly. to friends. to strangers. to anybody willing to receive or listen. time is precious. and we forget that too often. life flashes by in the blink of an eye and then there is no tomorrow. but i would like to change that. i would like to live with greater passion. for my people. and for my country.

direction

2009-09-29T02:15:00.000-07:00

if you don't know where you are going...any road...will get you there!

celebrated, not tolerated

2009-09-29T01:57:00.001-07:00

who will ever see

can anybody really know

the sound of my beating heart

the cries of my thirsty soul

not be be famous

but to be known

not to be successful

but significant

will they acknowledge

understand that i am different

embrace the difficulty they face

to make sense of it all

excitement turns into frustration

frustration becomes emotion

emotion reflects regret

regret the key that locks a heart

celebrated, not tolerated

broken

2009-09-25T01:28:00.001-07:00

the broken clock is a comfort

it helps me sleep tonight

maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

i am here still waiting though

i still have my doubts

i am damaged at best

like You've already figured out

i'm falling apart

i'm barely breathing

with a broken heart

that's still beating

in the pain there is healing

in Your name i find meaning

the broken locks were a warning

You got inside my head

i tried my best to be guarded

i'm an open book instead

and i still see Your reflection inside of my eyes

that are looking for purpose

they're still looking for life

i'm falling apart

i'm barely breathing

with a broken heart

that's still beating

in the pain is the healing

in Your name i find meaning

the broken lights on the freeway

left me here alone

i may have lost my way now

having forgot my way home

i'm falling apart

i'm barely breathing

with a broken heart

that's still beating

in the pain is there is healing

in Your name I find meaning

so i'm holdin' on
i'm holdin' on
i'm holdin' on
i'm barely holdin' on to You
i'm hangin' on
another day
just to see what You will throw my way
and i'm hangin' on
to the words You say
You said that i will
will be ok

lyrics by: lifehouse

an inspired joy

2009-09-16T02:42:00.000-07:00

some days

some days i am inspired

a crazy fundamentalist

a ready-to-be historymaker

then those other days

other days i am apathetic

sapped and drained

empty and motionless

i am not moody

i am trying to be real

and thats the way the wind blows

or other might say

thats how i roll

never-the-less

i am not phased

cos self-knowledge is silver

emtional intelligence is golden

i want to live the moment

i want to dwell in the past

to swallow up the history

and wait eagerly

for the joys of the new morning

i will look to the future

and bath in the luxury

of having not been there yet

but for now

i am living the moment

taking it one step at a time

not over-thinking it

just living it

expressing it

chewing it

and spitting it out

some days i am indifferent

they are few and far between

because most days

most days i am smiling

inside and out

my face knows my heart

with a sense of belonging

an inspired joy

not me

2009-09-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

searching to live right. story of my life. but it keeps avoiding me. inspired in my soul. but it sometimes doesn’t seem right. but i really love my own company. i am more than a man. and i deserve more than love. what is the reason for the sky being blue. or the sun going down. why all the clouds keep rolling by or the wind rushing past. i don’t know. is it because i am gone again. it just can't be true. and that is why i am unfaithful. unfaithful to myself. only to myself you hear. and it kills me inside. to know that i am happy to be someone else. i can see myself dying. slowly. dying. i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to be the reason. the reason for him to die. i die a little more inside. i don't want to hurt anymore. i don't want to take away his life. i don't want to be his murderer. but it is time. to pull the plug. to move on. cos that the call. move on. i will not be left behind. he might. but not me.

you're alright

2009-09-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

catch your breath

hit the wall

scream out loud

as you start to crawl

back in your cage

the only place

where they will

leave you alone

cause the weak will seek the weaker

til they've broken them

could you get it back again

would it be the same

fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense

left you with no defense

they tore it down

and I have felt the same as you

i've felt the same as you

i've felt the same.

locked inside

the only place

where you feel sheltered

where you feel safe

you lost yourself

in your search to find

something else to hide behind

the fearful always preyed upon your confidence

did they see the consequence

when they pushed you around

the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones

breaking them 'til they've become just another crown

refuse to feel anything at all

refuse to slip

refuse to fall

can't be weak

can't stand still

you watch your back 'cause no one will

you don't know why they had to go this far

traded your worth for these scars

for your only company

and don't believe the lies

that they have told to you

not one word was true you're alright

you're alright

lyrics by: lifehouse

dont you know

2009-09-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

i dont know how to explain it

but i know that words will hardly do

miracles with signs and wonders

arent enough for me to prove to you

dont you know i have always loved you

even before there was time

though you turn away

i will tell you still

dont you know i have always loved you

and i always will

greater love has not a man

than the one who gives his life to prove

that he would do anything

and thats what i am going to do for you

lyrics by: third day

walls around us

2009-09-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

find me there

2009-09-13T05:10:00.000-07:00

oh desert speak to my heart. oh women of the earth. makers of children. who weep for lovers lost. your deepest secrets are known to me. i will not be moved. dont try to find the answer when there aint no question. brother let your heart be wounded and give no mercy to your fear. babylon is every town. its as crazy as its ever been. love is a stranger all around. in a moment we lost our minds here. we lay our spirits down. today we lived a thousand years. all we have is now. run to the water. find me there. burnt to the core but not broken. we will cut through the madness. these streets below the moon. i will never leave you. not until we can say - this world was just a dream. we were sleeping or are we awake. we lost our minds here. we dreamt the world was round. a million mile fall from grace. with a nuclear fire of love in our hearts. yeah i can see it now. out beyond all the breaking of waves and the tribulation. its a place and the home of ascended souls. who swam out there in love. rest easy baby. recognize it all as light and rainbows. smashed to smithereens and be happy. run to the water and find me there.

(adjusted lyrics)

in my fantasy

2009-09-12T03:05:00.000-07:00

in my fantasy i see a fair world

where everyone

lives in peace and honesty

i dream of a place

to live that is always free

like a cloud that floats

full of humanity

in the depths of the soul

in my fantasy i see a bright world

where each night

there is less darkness

i dream of spirits

that are always free

like the cloud that floats

in my fantasy exists a warm wind

that breathes into the city

like a friend

i dream of souls

that are always free

like the cloud that floats

full of humanity

in the depths of the soul

english translation of nella fantasia

and i'm feeling good

2009-09-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

birds flying high

you know how i feel

sun in the sky

you know how i feel

breeze driftin' on by

you know how i feel

it's a new dawn

it's a new day

it's a new life

for me

and i'm feeling good

fish in the sea

you know how i feel

river running free

you know how i feel

blossom on a tree

you know how i feel

it's a new dawn

it's a new day

it's a new life

for me

and i'm feeling good

dragonfly out in the sun you

know what i mean

don't you know

butterflies all havin' fun

you know what i mean

sleep in peace when day is done

that's what i mean

and this old world is a new world

and a bold world

for me

stars when you shine

you know how i feel

scent of the pine

you know how i feel

oh freedom is mine

and i know how i feel

it's a new dawn

it's a new day

it's a new life

for me

and i'm feeling good

lyrics by: nina simone

take this life

2009-09-05T02:27:00.001-07:00

as i'm standing here

staring into the mirror

see the figure of a man

trying to take a stand

and live for something more

integrity is what i need

honor to my soul i feed

to give it up

pack it in

getting rid of all my sin

that’s weighing me down

won’t you come and fill

i want you to come
and make me more real
take this life

in my pursuit of what is real

my heart is longing

with a need to feel

my soul come alive

i trudge and i step

through the height and the death

of a long narrow as i’m growing old

won’t you take this life

won’t you change this life
come and make me whole
and soon i will be home

lyrics by: shawn mcdonald

scarlet

2009-09-05T02:21:00.001-07:00

middle of nowhere

finally you can breathe

nobody knows your name

it's easier

shut your eyes tightly

clench your fists 'til they almost bleed

cautiously, lightly

gently expose what's underneath

and all you feel now

is the scarlet in your day

even it's real

you can't stay...

so there you go

you're gone for good

your mind is swollen

from months of thought

without release

they've taken their toll on you

this very moment

of timid and fragile honesty

is precious and rare and fleeting

and all you feel now

is the scarlet in your day

even it's real

you can't stay...

lyrics by: brooke fraser

a human proverb

2009-09-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

find the foundation of true knowlegde

discipline yourself cos it brings life

help others to understand

always be right, just and fair

listen to my counsel

when i share my heart

it will make you wise

to stear clear of calamity, anguish and distress

beware of all who are greedy

it robs them of life

they are destoyed by their complacency

rather listen and live in peace

untroubled by fear or harm

treasure my commands

tune your ears

concentrate on understanding

cry out for insight

it brings a successful life

and crown you with grace

be honest

live with integrity

never let loyalty and kindness leave you
write them on your heart

wisdon will enter your heart

knowledge will fill you with joy

trust with all your heart

dont seek your own

wisdom is the tree of life

she offers long life

she will guide you

dont loose sight of common sense

refresh your soul

fix your eyes and look straight ahead

guard your heart it determines your course through life

the sun shines ever brighter untill the full light of day

happy hour

2009-09-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

time is now

take off the mask

put on reality

hide the brave face

show people what they want

dont be fake

be real

happy hour is here

i live out of a place

it is deep within

i dont show it often

but its integral to me

its my core

it consists of joy

it enables me

to write without pain

to say what i mean

without the emotion

i guess it my gift

to just say

and not to feel

some claim i'm a freak

others think i'm unique

perhaps somewhere inbetween

it matters not

it does not change a thing

i will always be me

say what i have to

write to heal

sing to feel

cry to taste

salt on my face

healing under my skin

they think i'm dark

but on the contrary

i shine from within

they can see it in my eyes

although my words speak another language

they understand it not

it does not add up

but they envy

they crave to taste

to be able to sing or write the song

to understand the ticking inside

happy hour is now

eyes never lie

whatever the mouth my speak

light overcomes the darkness

sun breaks through the day

illuminates the road

joy comes in the morning

like planes

2009-09-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

yeah
i am gonna sip on this misery
like a cocktail in the sun
i am gonna push all the boundaries
just for the fun
i am gonna spill through this darkness
like at the walk off the egde off the sea
i am gonna kiss the crazy
like you kissed me

we all get high
to get out of the lows
it don’t work
but thats because
we all come down
like a plane out of the sky
it hurts like hell
but thats just life

i am gonna saddle up this heartbreak
and take it for a joy ride
i am gonna laugh
while you write me
cos i have too much pride
and then i will send you packing

we all get high
to get out of the lows
it don’t work
but thats because
we all come down
like a plane out of the sky
it hurts like hell
but thats just life

lyrics by:plush

restored

2009-09-04T03:37:00.001-07:00

all this time i've wandered around. searching for the things i'll never know. i've been searching for this answer that only will be found in your love. and now i feel it. my heart is being mended by your touch. and i hear it. your voice that's shown me purpose in this world. you have restored me. from my feeble and broken soul. you have restored me. i've only come to realize my strength will be made perfect at your throne. laying all reflections down to see the precious beauty that you've shown. and i feel it my heart is being mended by your touch. and i hear it. your voice that's shown my purpose in this world. you have restored me from my feeble and broken soul. you have restored me. laying all these questions down. you've answered what i need. you've given more than i deserve. you're making me complete. you've given all these open doors. i'm humbled at your feet. you've shown me what you've done for me.

lyrics by: jeremy camp

the city never sleeps

2009-09-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

i would love to put london in a bottle. pack it in and take it with me. to far off places. the smells and yells of the underground. the way it hits you as you submerge into a vast network of lines and stations. the warm air blowing in your face as you wait on the platform. behind the line. minding the gap. the sound of the tube approaching. the screatching and the sparks. everybody shuffling forward. northern line. picadilly. or bakerloo. an oven without personality. the endless possibilities of your relationship with your oyster card. standing there. armed with oyster. staring at the map. where shall we go. you alight when the drumming the shoving the pushing becomes to much. you alight at the next stop while this is a district line service to upminister. you alight. the escalator is your staiwya to heaven. rolling you on to the next costa or nero. avoiding starbucks. you are bombarded by food sections. today m&s. tomorrow waitrose. the choice of kings when you feel like snacking before catching the next red bus or waving town a black cab. the bells and whistles. the noise of the streets. the flashing tourists around embankment. leister square. or china town and the west end. marching like ants on a mission. you can stop and close your eyes. to hear the city. you can escape to the parks. green. hyde. or primrose hill for the fancy and grand. even there you have sounds that makes the place the city it is. amuse yourself. find a spot and watch the people pass by. sloane street. kensington. sw15. hackney. primrose hill. mayfair. shepherds market. the amazing victorian architecture. the quiet side streets out of the buzz and the hussle of the city. just wondering around and absorbing. spending endless afternoons in waterstones bookstore. or finding a small second hand bookstore down one of the many dirty side streets close to borough market. the amazement of how far you can travel for £1. but not even being able to buy anything worth mentioning from a street vendor for the same price. watching people on buses and trains. the things they keep themselves busy with. ipods. cameras. books. the metro. the london light. girlfriends. boyfriends. texting. speaking. phoning. sleeping. waking up at the right stop. clocks built in. the stampeed at waterloo. the waiting for an indication of platform and then the rush. shuffling. stumbling. running for the train. the wonders of public transport. night buses that takes you from kings cross to puntey. football pages in the daily mail. the latest transfers. the tabloid news. the rain. the dark months of november. the jubilation of summer in august and everything after. a bonus. it creeps under your skin. the city never sleeps.

new quote

2009-09-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

check out the new quote...#17.
credit must go to my brother and friend....

introspective

2009-09-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

i dont know if you will be able to see. it has been such a long time. the changes that have come over me are so many. it has been a long time. weeks. months. years. since i had the chance to breath you in. now with the last few days approaching. i suddenly feel afraid. afraid that i have drifted away. away from you. away from me. so i have been re-calling old stories. old songs and memories to remind me of you. my heartland. my home. where i was born. the songs and stories remind me of my past. of were it is i come from. i am sure there are reasons why i feel so far away today. but for now i know that i miss you. i think about you all the time. i can hear you calling me. soon i will be going home. but what if. if i have become a stranger to you. a stranger to myself. that would be sad. cos you are all i ever had. i have been away. traveling. moving from one place to the next. to prove myself to nobody. perhaps to you. perhaps to me. but there were points that needed proving. there were friends worth loosing. and i lost them. forgotten. left behind. but i found others. yes. on my way there were many. ladies that i have kissed and left crying. broken hearts and stolen dreams. also true. there is no point in denying. i have traveled hard and far. across the four winds. to every corner. and now i am sitting here by myself. introspective of where i have been. reflecting on the shadows that lie behind me in the wake. the fire is cracking.the room is empty. the wine is sweet. the conversation is dying slowly. the sand is running out. and so is my time. yes my time away from you is running out. and soon we will be re-united. soon i will smell your earth. soon i will taste your provision. soon i will see your sunsets. your childrens crying. now i know that i miss you. i think about you all the time. i can hear you calling me. soon i will be going home. but what if. if i have become a stranger to you. a stranger to myself. that would be sad. cos you are all i ever had.

too much

2009-09-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

is it possible

can it be

i keep on wondering

the question spins through my head

the answer for always eluding me

i stare out the train
highlands await in the distance
north sea on my right
memories of our conversation mingle
you never gave me an answer

i feel empty

the pain intensifies

am i too much

is it too much to digest

can you not handle all of me

can it be possible

am i that special

or are you the blind one

can you not see

what is the matter with you

i empty myself

still it is not appreciated

taken for granted

is there anything worse than that

who ever wants to feel this way

i conclude

it is you not me

i am what i am

you just cant see it

you are consumed with yourself

and to be honest

i dont want you around anymore

you only steal from me

no appreciation

never a thank you or a sorry

it is too much

i am too much

you cant handle it

and i cant handle that you cant handle it

too much

have a little patience

2009-08-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

just have a little patience

i'm still hurting from a love i lost

i'm feeling your frustration

then maybe all the pain will stop

just don't be close inside your arms tonight

dont be to hard on my emotions

cause i need time

my heart is numb has no feeling

so while im still healing

just try and have a little patience

i really wanna start over again

i know u wanna be my salvation

the one that i can always depend

i'll try to be strong believe me

i'm trying to move on

it's complicated but understand me

cause i need time

my heart is numb has no feeling

so while im still healing

just try and have a little patience

yeah have a little patience

cause this scar runs so deep

its been hard

but i have to believe me

have a little patience

cause i - i just need time

my heart is numb has no feeling

so while im still healing

just try and have a little patience

lyrics by: take that

inspired

2009-08-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

are you inspired

to what extend

do you inspire others

where does it come from

i walk the streets

i buy books

i drink coffee

i think out loud

i talk to strangers

i have been doing this for weeks now

a burden in my chest

not knowing where it comes from

neither where it is taking me

i only know that it has a purpose

i just have to live to find the answer

i woke up all emotional

at the same time inspired

i need only to close my eyes

for the imax of my imagination to open up

for the show to begin

i sometimes wonder why

why this vivid imagination

why this gift

or is it really

none the less

i am inspired

the smallest things

the simplest distraction

be it music

or literature

even sitting in the theatre

inspiration bubbles inside me

do i write

or should i sing

perhaps speak

tell others

of this thing within

share the joy

spread the love

fan the flame

when i close my eyes

my senses take over to

see landscapes

smell flowers

taste foreign cuisine

be filled to the brim with sweet wine

and embraced

i listen to their stories

i look at their faces

i analyse their words

i study their facial expression

cos it tells a story

it paints a picture

it writes their song

somedays

the world is black and white

other days its all colour

its never the same

every day a surprise

a gift of the unknown

so what to do
i keep on walking

let the sun continue to shine
allow the joys to inspire
and the world to spin
which ever way that might be

promise me

2009-08-28T09:34:00.000-07:00

you light up another cigarette

and i pour the wine
it's four oclock in the morning

and it's starting to get light

now i'm right where i want to be

losing track of time

but i wish that it was still last night

you look like you're in another world

but i can read your mind

how can you be so far away

lying by my side

when i go away i'll miss you

and i will be thinking of you

every night and day just

promise me you'll wait for me

cos i'll be saving all my love for you

and i will be home soon

promise me you'll wait for me

i need to know you feel the same way too

and i'll be home, i'll be home soon

when i go away i'll miss you

and i will be thinking of you

every night and day just

promise me you'll wait for me
cos i'll be saving all my love for you
and i will be home soon
promise me you'll wait for me
i need to know you feel the same way too
and i'll be home, i'll be home soon

song by: beverly craven

you will be the one

2009-08-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

staring at the sky tonight

marvelling and passing time

wondering what to do with daylight

i've been thinking of changing my mind

it never stays the same for long

nothing is for sure anymore

i've been counting up all my wrongs

an apology for every star

but heaven doesn't stretched that far

i won't find what i am looking for

if i only see by keeping score

cos i know now you are so much more

if i give it all and not try to take some back

i've forgotten the freedom that comes with that

cos you are the sum

when the years are showing on my face

when my heart departs this place

from a life dedicated to your song

you'll still be the one i want

new quote

2009-08-28T06:26:00.000-07:00

quote #16

"is there not in every human soul an essential spark, an element of the divine, indestructible in this world and immortal in the next; a spark which goodness can preserve and nourish into a glorious flame; an flame which evil can never extinguish?"

everyman man on earth has been created in His image.

dont box me in

2009-08-28T05:26:00.000-07:00

dont box me in

dont tell me something you dont mean

dont be false

dont pretend to be someone you are not

for too long

people have walked over me

taken what they wanted

and in return left me with the pain

dont box me in

dont come rushing in

dont leave this heart in turmoil

dont abuse only to benefit yourself

i cant take any more

the burden is weighing me down

my tank is running on empty

there is nothing left to give

dont box me in

stop taking without asking

bring back what you have taken

and allow me to be whole again

you have taken me for granted

you thought it could be better

out there you thought there was more

but now you see it was all in vain

should i allow you back in

will it be different this time

how can i be guarunteed

that you will not box me in

there is always another promise

you think your words will sway me

but i will not be taken for granted again

i will not

who i am

2009-08-28T05:20:00.001-07:00

i'm blinded by the light
the black coffee cold on the table
and the day breaks through the night
i stare out into the cold
with red wine stains on the carpet
and i wonder how to break the mould
my mind takes me places
i am haunted by my sins
and i can't seem to forget their faces
i shudder at the crack of the floor
she holds me close, wraps her arms around me
i fear this knocking on my heart's door
i run away through empty streets
past the red door that lures me to danger
not to suffice to their delicacies and treats

i was not made for here

2009-08-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

if i find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy

i can only conclude that i was not made for here

if the felsh that i fight is at best only light and momentary

then off course i'll feel nude when to where i'm destined i'm compared

speak to me in the light of the dawn

mercy comes with the morning

i will sigh and with all creation groan

as i wait for hope to come for me

am i lost or just found?

on the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?

is this a soul that stirs in me?

is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?

cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb

an avoid the impending birth of who i was born to become

for we,
we are not long here
our time is but a breath,
so we better breathe it

and i,

i was made to live,

i was made to love,

i was made to know you

lyrics: brooke fraser

rory eliot and plush

2009-08-09T13:56:00.000-07:00

went to watch rory eliot, lead singer and song writer from plush in london last night at an intimate acoustic session. the man has raw passion and bucket loads of talent. the sounds and lyrics are inspiring. it takes you places you haven't been for a long time in your mind, your soul, your heart. find his music. listen to it. embrace it. i bet you - it will change you.

hypocrite

2009-08-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

"life is a hypocrite if i can’t live the way it moves me...”

Christopher Fry

think of men

that lived passionately

some of them

the greatest among men

adored

envied

loved

hated

admired

written about

men that lived

loved

men that inspired

living without regret

without looking back

sometimes ruthlesss

other times calculated

but always driven

by an instinctive passion to conquer

to overcome

to be significant

i realised what we crave

to live like that

a tristan

a hemingway

a maximus

things daily

it stirrs

it awakens

it moves

a picture

scenery

sounds

smells

it takes us

in our minds

but we fear

our bodies cant take us there

we compromise

we get cheated

we miss out

we regret

frustrated

unfulfilled

i say

dont allow it

fight the hypocrisy

and allow life to move you

city of black and white

2009-07-31T02:41:00.000-07:00

the epic new mat kearney album called city of black and white.

open my eyes

2009-07-30T01:57:00.000-07:00

would you open up my eyes

and show me the light

take me away from this place

would you open up my eyes

and show me your way

that leads me out of my dispair

i need you - yes i need you
i need for you - to free me

with tremblings all around

the fear embedded with the sound

reaching out to take your hand

knowing its the only way to stand

would you open up my eyes

and show me the light

cause i cannot make it alone

would you take hand

and help me understand

the truth that is hidden in the miracle thats you

i need you -yes i need you

i need you - to free me

(personlised version)

man at the river

2009-07-29T01:51:00.000-07:00

below him was the river. where the rock had parted it around him. vapor rose in the early summer afternoon as he stood on the bank. the spray around him was finer and enclosed him in a halo of himself. the halo of himself was always there. and always disappearing. the images of himself and his shadow kept disappearing into the rising mist of the river. it continually circled to the tops of the rockface that stretched high above him. he always felt small in the canyon. with the cool breeze dancing down the canyon and bounching off its walls. allowing his head to rock back slowly the last of the sunrays cracking down caught his face. he felt euphoric. alone. weightless. perfectly still and at peace with the world around him.

he sat down to forget. and no sooner all was forgotten until all that remained was the river that went by and him who watched. it felt as if the water carried away his thoughts and emotions. the hypnotising sound of running water that took his thoughts to a far-off place. on the river the heat mirages danced. first with each other. then through each other until they finally joined hands and danced around each other. he stood up. took off his clothes and waded into the river. he wanted to dance with them. he thought if only he could join them. but there was only one. it was the river. he continued to imagine the patterns from his own life joining with them. and so it happen that here the story of his life started. naked. in the middle of the sound of water and the sensation of the passing water over his bare skin. he stood there in the middle of the current. imagining the water eroding away the person he once was. taking with it the memories he no longer had interest to hold on to.

many of the people he cared for and that understood him had moved on. when he was young he played on these river banks with his brother. they spent days and afternoons exporing every corner of this canyon. perhaps that was what drew him back here in the first place. to find something he had lost a long time ago. and to recapture what he had traded it for. in the half-light of the canyon all existence faded. standing there he raised his arms and closed his eyes. to a place of being with his soul and memories and the sounds of the river and the rhythm of his pounding heart.

eventually all things merge into one and a river runs through it. the river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. on some of the rocks are timeless tears. under the rocks are the words. words spoken in time. words that echo and drift with the breeze down the canyon. words that shape and change. words that remember and forget. and some of the words are theirs.

i am haunted by waters.

once again

2009-07-28T04:39:00.001-07:00

i have been having dreams and visions recently. i never used to. in them you are always standing there. but never beside me. when i reach out to take your hand you disappear. it leaves me with a feeling of emptiness. sometimes i wake up with a sense of rejection. my greatest fear at my door. knocking. in these dreams you are beaming with light. like the moon. its rays breaking through the cloudy winter sky. your light breaking through my defenses. it leaves me feeling exposed and naked. everybody else fades in comparison. nobody has that effect. but you. i once believed in trust and love. i believed in happy endings. but my fate has taken me elsewhere. to a land with realities of pain and fear. a place where communication happens in a different dimension. it scares me. it is unfimiliar territory. i feel useless. but i have pledged long ago. that i will not give up that easily. even though in the face of adversities and struggle i cant let it go without a fight. i dont want to. the fight is mine. mine alone. it is a battle i enter for honor. to regain what i have lost. to regain the life i was living. i try not to think of myself. but of a greater union. something sacred and holy. that will restore my joy. that will replace my disappointment. to fill the void of shame and guilt with virtues like passion and contentment. to be a witness. to reveal the real me. a heart devoted once again.

our deepest fear

2009-07-25T12:54:00.001-07:00

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

it is our light

not our darkness

that most frightens us

we ask ourselves

who am I to be brilliant

gorgeous
talented

fabulous?

actually

who are you not to be?

you are a child of God

your playing small does not serve the world

there is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you

we are all meant to shine as children do

we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

it's not just in some of us

it's in everyone

and as we let our own light shine

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

as we are liberated from our own fear

our presence automatically liberates others

a poem from a book written by somebody else

cedars of lebanon

2009-07-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent asleep

Woke up in my clothes in a dirty heap

Spent the night trying to make a deadline

Squeezing complicated lives into a simple headline

I have your face here in an old Polaroid

Tidying the children’s clothes and toys

You’re smiling back at me, I took the photo from the fridge

Can’t remember what then we did

I haven’t been with a woman, it feels like for years

Thought of you the whole time, your salty tears

This shitty world sometimes produces a rose

The scent of it lingers and then it just goes

Return the call to home

The worst of us are a long drawn out confession

The best of us are geniuses of compression

You say you’re not going to leave the truth alone

I’m here ‘cos I don’t want to go home

Child drinking dirty water from the river bank

Soldier brings oranges he got out from a tank

I’m waiting on the waiter, he’s taking a while to come

Watching the sun go down on Lebanon

Return the call to home

Now I’ve got a head like a lit cigarette

Unholy clouds reflecting in a minaret

You’re so high above me, higher than everyone

Where are you in the Cedars of Lebanon?

Choose your enemies carefully ‘cos they will define you

Make them interesting ‘cos in some ways they will mind you

They’re not there in the beginning but when your story ends

Gonna last with you longer than your friends

LYRICS: U2

to the limit and beyond

2009-07-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

reflection

intensity

endurance

no fear

overcoming

inside each and every one of us - man or women - there is somebody tougher and stronger than you think. you need to push and stretch your own limits. expand your boundries. live from the inside out. find that thing in you that freaks you out. find your everest to climb. your english canal to swim. to ride the ultimate wave. or to make the perfect base jump. dont let opportunity come knocking at your door only to find empty house. get out there and live! to the limit and beyond! images courtesy of GETTY IMAGES.

release your inner man

2009-07-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

cycle

paddle

climb

kayak

jump

i find it is the best medicine in the world to get out there into the gardens of the world and play. to forget your troubles and release the inner man. here are some pics courtesy of GETTY IMAGES.

I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

2009-07-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

She’s a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life

Knows I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

There’s a part of me in the chaos that’s quiet

And there’s a part of you that wants me to riot

Everybody needs to cry or needs to spit

Every sweet tooth needs just a little hit

Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot

How can you stand next to the truth and not see it

Oh, a change of heart comes slow

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As you start out the climb

Do you believe me or are you doubting

We’re gonna make it all the way to the light

But I know I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

Every generation gets a chance to change the world

Pity the nation that won’t listen to your boys and girls

‘Cos the sweetest melody is the one we haven’t heard

Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear

The right to appear ridiculous is something I hold dear

Oh, but a change of heart comes slow

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As you start out the climb

Listen for me, I’ll be shouting

We’re gonna make it all the way to the light

But you now I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight

Baby, baby, baby

I know I’m not alone

Baby, baby, baby

I know I’m not alone

Oh oh oh

It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain

As we start out the climb

Listen for me, I’ll be shouting

Shouting to the darkness

Squeeze out sparks of light

You know we’re gonna go crazy

You know we’ll go crazy

You know we’ll go crazy if we don’t go crazy tonight

Oh, slowly now

Oh, be slow

LYRICS: by U2

electrical storm

2009-07-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

the sea it swells like a sore head

and the night it is aching

two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed

and the day it is breaking

on rainy days, we'd go swimming out

on rainy days, swimming in the sound

on rainy days, we'd go swimming out

you're in my mind all of the time

i know that's not enough

if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

for love and only love

car alarm won't let ya back to sleep

you're kept awake dreaming someone else's dream

coffee is cold, but it'll get you through

compromise, that's nothing new to you

let's see colours that have never been seen

let's go to places no one else has been

you're in my mind all of the time

i know that's not enough

well if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

to love and only love

electrical storm

baby don't cry

it's hot as hell, honey, in this room

sure hope the weather will break soon

the air is heavy, heavy as a truck

need the rain to wash away our bad luck

well, if the sky can crack, there must be some way back

to love and only love

electrical storm

baby don't cry

lyrics: U2

soul negotiatitions

2009-07-19T03:00:00.000-07:00

dont write cheques your body cant cash...

wise words. and a lot of truth in that. but more than often we get ourselves into situations where we seem to ignore the realities that our own stubbornness can bring. it is a matter of head versus heart. your mind says stop but your heart wants you to carry on. it leaves you with a troubled mind. it is a place where desire and drive meets reality and logic. a battlefield some of us face on a daily basis. in every aspect of life. we get to that place. whether it is hanging on by the skin of your teeth while climbing a rock face thirty meters high. or closing a business deal that collides with your integrity.

over time and many travels i have often faced this battle between head and heart. when you live a passionate life this scenario gets you in trouble almost every other day. cos in your make-up you want to grab every opportunity that comes your way. but not every open door is necessarily the right open door. this in itself is a very hard lesson to learn. never-the-less it is not a good enough reason to approach life with a more cautious attitude. it is a simple matter of self knowledge and emotional intelligence. getting to know and understand yourself in different situations. anticipating your own response and setting yourself up not to fall. but that - is easier said than done.

in my experience your soul does not forget that easily. we think it does. but it does not. you make promises to yourself. and in that you kick start the conflict. i have realised that there are things that i have said and vowed to myself in the past that is only surfacing now. and i find myself challenged. do i stay true to my heart or do i follow the reason in my head. cos both can be right. both have a strong argument. i guess that is where it starts. that place where reason meets emotion. the place where the negotiations of the soul takes place.

caught up in the rain

2009-07-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

he was infatuated with her. from the first day he laid his eyes on her. they had mutual friends and bumped into each other at random occasions. he never made a move but she was always in the front of his mind. at the weirdest of moments the thought of her will arise and he would find himself daydreaming. staring out over the sea from the balcony of his loft apartment above the harbour. he knew she lived somewhere on the other side of the city. in the bowl up against the mountain. but he was never brave enough to reach out and step up. he was too scared to act on his feelings and ended living with his infatuation for what felt to him like years.

she was successful. she was smart. and she was beautiful. and he did not feel an ounce of intimidation. as a matter of fact it made him more relaxed and comfortable. the thought of being with her. and then the moment eventually came. their paths crossed again and they started spending more time together. and she had a look in her eye. he spotted it one night as they were watching the sun go down over the bay from her appartment. she had just made sushi and they were enjoying the last bits of dinner with some wine. the conversations between them were always serious and intellectual and they both liked it that way. no small talk or sinicism. they spoke about books. music. art. food. wine. everything. they shared a common interest in so many things. he felt as if the world will never end when he was with her. and he was sure she felt the same. cos she had that look in her eyes.

saturday mornings they would wake up. lazy around the apartment. have coffee on the balcony. watch the early birds rushing around to get to the beach front. he loved those mornings. from there they would venture down to the market and buy some fresh vegetables and bread for whatever they had planned to cook. they both shared a passion for food and the combination with wine. so at the end of the morning lurking around the market they would pick up a bottle or two. from there they would stroll to their favourite coffee shop it the old slave courters. they would sit and stare at each other with great amusement. and that brought such a sense of belonging in him. then they'd catch a cab back to either his or her apartment.

they spent may weekends and nights together. their relationship kept on growing and with every day it intensified. up until the day she announched to him that she was moving out of the city into the country. it felt as if his world stopped turning. he was devastated. but she told him that it did not mean the end of things.

he remember the day he drove out to her cabin in the countryside. it was one of those log cabins hidden in the woods. with a stream running by the cabin giving it that eternal feel. he was nervous as his jeep turned off the tarmac onto the dirt road. from there it would be a fifteen minute drive up to her cabin. it had been raining the whole week and the roads were a mess. the fact that it was in the thick of the forest did not help. it was hard enough with the rain pouring down. but he was driven by a sense of belonging in his heart. it was strong and it kept him pushing on. the darkness of the forest and the puddles of standing water made the journey fell like an eternity. on the radio one of his favourite songs was playing. a song called rapture. the soothing melodies made his relax a little. his heart was pumping as he spotted the outlines of the cabin between the trees. as and his drove up to the house, she came out standing on the porch with the rain pouring down.

nowadays he thinks back with fond memories of that day. it felt like time stood still in that moment he saw her on that porch. it is a memory imprinted in his mind. even now. even year later. it is still there. he has not been able to erase the memory of her that day. every time the song plays his heart and mind races back to that day he was caught up in the rain.

tear down the walls

2009-07-15T14:37:00.000-07:00

Tear down the walls.

See the world.

Is there something we have missed?

Turn from ourselves.

Look beyond.

There is so much more than this.

And I don’t need to see it to believe it.

I don’t need to see it to believe.

Cause I can’t shake this fire deep inside my heart.

Look to the skies.

Hope arise.

See His majesty revealed.

More than this life.

There is love.

There is hope and this is real.

And I don’t need to see it to believe it.

I don’t need to see it to believe.

Cause I can’t shake this fire burning deep inside my heart.

This life is Yours.

Hope is rising as Your glory floods our hearts.

Let Love tear down these walls.

That all creation would come back to You.

It’s all for you.

Your Name is glorious, glorious.

Your Love is changing us, calling us.

To worship in spirit and in truth.

As all creation returns to You.

Oh or all Your sons and daughters.

Who are walking in the darkness.

You are calling us to lead them back to You.

We will see Your spirit rising.

As the lost come out of hiding.

Every heart will see this hope we have in You.

For Your Name is glorious, glorious.

Your Love is changing us, calling us.

To worship in spirit and in truth.

As all creation returns to You.

lyrics by UNITED

i spent time with a stranger today

2009-07-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

i spent time with a stranger today. sometimes in life you cross lines with somebody that inspires you to inspire. other times you hear a story or a speech that stirs your foundations and makes you want to change it all. those moment that seem small and insignificant that often turns out to be the most meaningful ones. the situations you enter without any preconceived idea or expectation. almost catches you off your guard. the times when your guard is down and your auto pilot is on. (i spent time with a stranger today). the stranger was telling me that he is about to become a father and how excited and scared he was at the same time. his passion, expectation and hope was infectious. i truely felt connected to this stranger in a weird way. a way that makes no sense at all. but the type of sagacity that i often experience these days did not put me off from exploring this event. there was the way he articulated himself and the detailed manner filled with pride that was captured in his every word was intoxicating. as if he was sent from another place to bring this message to me. (i spent time with a stranger today).when we parted ways i carried a sentiment of delight with me. as if i just lived through a dream. the train pulled away and his silhouette faded on the platform. but it felt as if his presence never left me. i am certain that over paths will cross again. i am confident that i will see him next time on the platform with his child in his arms. a proud father. i spent time with a friend today.

what does your sun signify?

2009-07-15T13:11:00.001-07:00

silent reconciliation?

abundant provision?

relational significance?

discovery?

contentment?

photos by ALBERTO ROMANO

the road less traveled

2009-07-15T13:03:00.001-07:00

the life of a seaman

the grass is always greener on the other side

endless opportunity

unknown levels of complication

mountains hig, valleys low
photos by ALBERTO ROMANO

emotions

2009-07-15T12:54:00.001-07:00

solitude on the beach

a chat with my best friend

the ghost city

memories of yesterday

looking forward to tomorrow

photos by ALBERTO ROMANO

assumption

2009-07-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

we all know the story. we all know they saying. assumption is the mother of all... but apart from that assumption is something that gets my blood boiling. i don’t know why. it just does. so after a recent situation i decided to put some thoughts together to find the root of all evil...concerning assumption that is. what i realised was that it lies embedded in the fact that i don’t like it when people assume they know who you are. when they assume they are your friend. and that turns into them claiming a piece of you. a piece of your time. they do that emotional blackmail thing...or try to at least. they suck you dry because you might have an inspiring personality or something likewise. or when people assume they understand the way you feel or experience situations. drives me mad. it makes me feel as if people are stereo typifying me or placing me in a box. figured out and labelled. wowee! freaks me out. cos if there is one thing that i seriously despise it is the thought of being a caged animal. after all the hissing and the growling i searched for a proper definition. this is what the web came up with: an assumption is a proposition that is taken for granted; it is the act of taking possession or asserting a claim. it is the act of taking for granted; acting with presumption and arrogance. wowee! a lot of bad words in those phrases. the worst for me must be “taken for granted”. the last thing anybody in this world deserves is being taken for granted because someone else is acting on an assumption. but then again “asserting claim” is perhaps worse.

food for wine

2009-07-08T02:26:00.000-07:00

in the true spirit of number 32 (our appartment) we had to find food to go with two very special wines we could no longer resist. the one being a Vintage Widow Pinot noir 2007 from Jackson Estate, Marlborough, New Zealand and the other a 30 year old vintage Champagne from Veuve Clicquot Gold Label Brut 1980. what a show is was...so we cooked rumpsteak, with french beans, plus some other veggies to mark the occasion.

notes on the wines. the Veuve was superb. deep golden hue with the bead of the bubbles so refined over time, yet fresh and fiesty. and that after 30 years in captivity. with nuances of roasted almond, honey, straw, dried spices it was exquisite. on the palate the bubbly was creamy as expected. the round and full sensation accompanied by the refined bubbles has the better of me. i want a cellar stocked to the roof with wines like this. the balance of the bubbly was still perfect with trances of acid still present to give the wine the legs to run all the way down my throat.

the Vintage Widow is the perfect bottle of pinot noir. black berries, over-ripe rasberries and red cherry dominate the aromatics, there are trances of subtle dried herb and cinnamon spice. strong structure but still a lot of finesse and elegance thus not overpowering the aromas. well ripened tannins and a balanced acidity frame a densely fruited and textured palate, full of lush pinot fruit wrapped with a whisper of barrel smoke.

now that's a mouth full!

more places

2009-07-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

bouzy in champagne - for the people, the bubbles and the unbeatable hospitality of the champenois

the slippery coble stone streets of pamplona at 08h17 in the morning during san fermin

my journeys of escapism in dirty old london town

the smells of lavender in and around gordes, luberon

the artistic twist of collioure and the way it takes my mind to hemingway